Young parents have a wealth of advantages

I recently came to know of a couple who became parents when they were close to 40 years old, not out of choice but due to medical reasons. When asked about the one thing they would like to tell other parents, the mother said: “If you want to have kids, have them when you’re young.” Fact was, they simply lacked the energy to bring up a baby.

Late parenting is sometimes, of course, a compulsion. In seeking the best for their children, parents today prefer a stable economic situation, and invest their youth in bringing that to fruition. Another reason is delayed marriages and the trend of regret-driven DINK (double-income, no-kids) couples waking up to the need for a child to round off the family circle. And let’s not forget couples who want to enjoy life before having responsibility set in.

With due respect to the other side of this argument, becoming a parent at a younger age has a wealth of advantages. Parenting is a lot of fun, but requires compromise and adjustment; these are easier to make at a younger age. Second, the early years of parenting take a lot out of couples, physically and psychologically; this is easier to cope with if you’re young.

As we age we tend to become more rigid in our perspectives. Maturity, in many cases, erodes the fun element of parenting. It becomes difficult to accept a new person in your life, routines get upset and you can’t just get out of the house at any hour.

Then there’s the small but significant matter of having friends who have children of the same age. Late parents have to deal with the awkward situation of interacting, at school and play, with parents who belong to a different age group and have a dissimilar mindset.

Late parenting takes a toll on careers and at the workplace, too. Mothers who give up their professional life to bring up a child often end up, at a later stage, regretting their sacrifice. A young mother can restart her career at 30, when her children are old enough, but doing that at 45 is much tougher. 

My mother used to always say, “I want to look young when you kids get married.” She always pictured herself busy with the arrangements, full of spunk and vitality. Had she become a parent at the age of 35-plus, she would probably be about 60 when we get married.

The generation gap that late parenting breeds is a real concern. The older a parent you are, the greater the chance that you may become a burden on your kids. And with deaths occurring at an earlier age, there would be many who won’t be able to get any parental support in their youth.

Medically, too, it is not advisable to delay childbirth. Apart from the obvious risks the mother carries, studies have shown that older men have a greater chance of fathering children with mental disorders.

However, becoming a parent at a later age does have its advantages. You would have been spared the worries of rearing a child in the carefree years of youth, and left free to concentrate on your career. Additionally, the patience and maturity that comes with age will help make you a better parent, and your children will gain from your life experiences.

All said and done, the pleasures of parenting are so rich and bountiful that they can be experienced at any age in life. Young or old then becomes a small matter of detail.

Reyna Rupani is the editor of the quarterly, Parents Today