Comment

There are many ways in which this city is divided, most famous of which, of course, is the north-south barrier. Does Bombay end at the end of Hornby Vellard and Mumbai begin at what was once Lotus cinema? Or would you prefer the traditional Mahim creek border check post? In which case, you are likely to refer to everything from Koparkhairane to Cuffe Parade as Mumbai. Yeah, it’s a snobby thing, so sue me.

And yes, it takes a great stretch of imagination and will power to include the Indian mainland in Mumbai. Thane and Raigad districts? Since when, bhau?

But perhaps less obvious and more insidious than north-south and more invidious than island-mainland is the west-east divide. This is snobbiness of an entrenched kind. It has infiltrated every level of society. The argument over whether Bandra is more happening than Colaba (most likely it is, leading to the conclusion that the centre of Mumbai has crossed the Mahim creek) is restricted to some levels of society. But the other day it took me six tries with autowallahs to make a journey across the railway tracks from Khar (West) to Santa Cruz (East). Moving in the opposite direction? They were fighting to take me.

When autowallahs are unwilling, you know you have a serious problem. For one thing, as everyone keeps grumbling (all right, the Raj Thackeraywallahs keep fulminating about), they come from “outside” (yoicks, Bihar, is it?). So the Mumbai divisions are not ingrained from birth. But they get it, see? Since they are not allowed into South Mumbai and can never cross the Mahim creek, the original snob meter does not apply. And many don’t have permits to cross the Mulund check point either. So whether Palm Beach Road (not in Florida, by the way) is posher than Marine Drive (really?) is not an argument for them. But if they are western-oriented guys, then the railway tracks are their point of reference.

It’s hard to imagine why, though. Life has picked up considerably on the eastern front in the past 20 years, and what do auto drivers want except people, movement, and traffic? But, they just don’t seem to like it. Years ago, it was understandable that no one wanted to go to Andheri (East) —- leopards still roamed the area until the state government decided that demarcating green zones was a load of crock and it was more dangerous to have builders as an endangered species than leopards. No, I didn’t say more profitable, you thought it all by yourself.

Having lived in the south, east, and west, I can safely say that they all have their moments. No, I’m not going to commit. But I don’t have a permit to visit the mainland, so I can’t possibly comment on that.

The upshot is that Shivraj Chauhan of Madhya Pradesh should know that Biharis could well bring to his state a finer understanding of the elegant niceties of life. And we can all live with those.