Column

Here’s what I think all men think: above all — all men think they’re the only ones on the planet not getting enough sex. Not as much as they deserve in any case. They read the results of surveys on the subject (the ones in which others of their gender lie through their teeth), they secretly fill out the questionnaires in Cosmopolitan, and they compare notes in the locker room and around the office cooler. And then they go home and weep into their whiskies — softly and alone.

All men think women go on too much about emotions. You feel good one day you feel bad the other day — what’s the big deal they think. You just have to get on with life. All men think their bosses don’t like them. They may act like they do, but that they are secretly planning their demise. All men think their colleagues are not as clever as they are. And all men think they are being underpaid.

All men think they can handle their alcohol. Slurring incoherently on their words, lurching wildly on their pins, crawling hopelessly on their knees — they believe they have invincible livers! And they will prove it to you — hic!

All men believe they are the world’s best drivers. That they were born with this natural gift. That they came out of their mother’s stomachs with steering wheels in their hands. And of course as a conjunction to this, all men believe they are born with an innate talent for finding places while driving. The same talent of course that precludes them from asking for directions when they are hopelessly lost !

All men believe that they are too kind for their own good; that one day they will sort out all the CDs into their correct cases (on the same day that they will throw out all the old clothes in their wardrobes and put all the pictures they have taken over the years in albums which they will neatly caption).

All men believe they are not obese,just healthy. That women micro-manage way too much. And all men believe that they will never get a heart attack.

Of course, it goes with out saying that all men think they know what’s best for the country, know exactly how to select the national cricket team, and how to edit their favourite newspaper!

And lastly — all men think women just don’t understand them — and don’t know what they think!

s_malavika@dnaindia.net