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So Mr Raj Thackeray does not want Bollywood to propagate the egregious fiction that some Maharashtrians may be earning an honest living as domestic helpers. Very reasonable, I say. To explain my assertion, I must invoke an admittedly old, but still respected, formulation in film theory.

Films act as rear-view mirrors of society, in which you can see the essential truths of our lives – albeit processed through creative, ideological, and emotional filters of the filmmakers. What you see on the screen are alternate versions of the way we are. Film is a narrative in which the humdrum is twisted to argue a case, advocate a cause, make money through puerile entertainment, or offer a knowing comment on our amoral universe. Now if you ask me where the belly-shakes of Priyanka Chopra fit into all this, you will have me utterly defeated.

I mean ravishing pippins like Priyanka do not heave hips in public places as some film suggest. I know because I looked; I drew a map of all her dance-sequence sites after rigorous research on her films. Then, like an National Geographic cameraman, I settled down – with sandwiches and sun-block – on the last known location of her mating-ritual thrusts and judders. She never came.

That I suspect is Mr Thackeray’s contention: you have to show what is believable. There are no Maharashtrian domestic helpers in Mumbai, so you cannot project that unreality on the screens. I am sure in the days to come he will launch another drive to weed out further misrepresentations. One could be to ban Priyanka from playing a role of Maharashtrian. After all, it is completely unlikely that any son of soil will have a surname like Chopra.

Of course, some will argue that Mr Thackeray should focus on empowering Maharashtrians with jobs and education, rather than offering consultancy services to Bollywood scriptwriters. Such counsellors are so boring.

Because, if you present a case like that, you will have to marshal dry statistics to prove your point. For example, India needs 70,000 civil engineers every year but produces only 11,000. The colourless experts will suggest to Mr Thackeray that he establish subsidised coaching classes for Maharashtrians who want to become engineers but lack the resources to acquire the necessary education. They will even propose that it is more sensible for him to help Maharashtrians fill technician positions that are lying vacant all over the world than to manage the image of the community. For example, there is a shortage of 15 million electricians in the developing world as well as rich countries.

What? A Maharashtrian electrician? Aiyo ji! That’s what most Bollywood movies seem to think we Tamils say.
raghu@dnaindia.net