Column

So, ha ha, should I bask in self-righteous glee of ‘I told you so’? Did you enjoy the chief this and the commissioner that telling us that they were ready for the monsoon and then, heh heh… Of course, the excuses were dead enjoyable too.

“Oh, when we said ready we meant ready for 0.11112 ml of rain and instead we got 10mm. This city was built with drains for only 300 people and 100mm of rain, so what we can do? What we’re not telling you is that the city was built hundreds of years ago and since then we’ve done precisely zilch to increase the drains.

You can’t blame us, though. We’ve spent all this time helping builders make more and more buildings all over the place, starting from the island at the southernmost tip of this city right up to the hills in the east, which run down the western coast of the country. See how much forethought we had? We realised that the whole country could become an extension of this city if we allowed our builder friends to build and build and build, so all of you could have places to live. Sure you need a few crore to afford a reasonable home, but, aren’t you lucky, barring a little inflation here and there, the economy is booming.

“And as for all the little poor people out there, no worries. We’ve given away your little homes to builders too. Then they’ll make big buildings and give you some money so you can shift far far away where we’ve taken old dumpyards and thingsand made homes for you. Aren’t we kindand thoughtful?

“Meanwhile, it’s true that some areas have had a little flooding, but what’s the big fuss about. It’s just a little water, inevitable in the monsoon, na? When we drove around in our fancy cars, we saw just a few inches of water in the low-lying areas. You can easily hitch up your trousers and hoist up your saris and wade through with minimum difficulty. Just a small inconvenience to put up with when you live in this wonderful city that we have made for you. Oh, we have to go now, there’s a builder friend on the other line.

He may have noticed some beautiful rain-drenched tree-covered hillside we forgot to build on.

“But one last thing, we’ve also considered asking all employers to declare a four-month holiday for the season. If no one goes to work or school, then there are less chances of anyone facing problems of water logging, overflowing drains, and such. Then no one will even know that the numbers of our disaster management cell don’t work. Bye.”
Okay, I made the last bit up and it’s a bit of wishful thinking, but still…

No pick of the week:
Haven’t even pretended to watch anything because of the ongoing French Open and fighting with the poor call centre sods of the satellite TV company which has removed
all the channels I want to watch. I gather more and more film stars are going to be
at each other’s throats on TV game shows.

I can’t be bothered about them when I have to worry about Roger Federer taking on Rafael Nadal.
b_ranjona@dnaindia.net