Column

The Spectator

Some of the most graceful people I know have also been some of the poorest. Wealth, position and material assets have very little to do with elegance refinement, nobility or real sophistication.

For instance, one of the most progressive men I knew, someone who was always up on the latest trends in art cinema and media, was in fact, not only deaf and dumb and of very little worldly means — but also got all his information from the copious amount of time he spent in public libraries, devouring books on all kinds of subjects.

With his knowledge of fashion and popular culture and celebrities — he could put any South Mumbai socialite to shame — and yet, he would take the Virar fast each evening to his small flat in the far-flung suburbs of Mumbai.

Knowledge and sophistication has really very little to do with material means. A friend of mine who works as an alternative healer, a masseur and a naturopath refines his learning curve each year by visiting Burma, Thailand and Japan to hone his skills so that he is on the cutting edge of his vocation. His knowledge and practice could outdo that of some of the world’s most luxurious spas.

A maid servant I know, someone who has subsisted hand to mouth for most of her life, on occasion has demonstrated such a degree of largesse and compassion that she could put memsahibs to shame. Her responses are always informed by a mature sense of understanding of what is truly valuable in life.

There are colleagues of mine, earning modest amounts each month, who display such a sense of the generosity of spirit, always fighting to pick up the bill at restaurants, never grasping what is rightly theirs — which leaves me quite staggered.

A chauffeur I know, coming from one of the most humble backgrounds, displays such a sense of refinement on the roads, allowing old ladies and children to cross, stopping the car to allow women to pass — giving way to rude interlopers, that it often puts his employers to shame.

There are secretaries I know, whose level of sophistication in handling tricky and awkward situations far surpasses the response of their boss’ wives.

At hospitals, I am often struck by the random gentleness and kindness of nurses — whose resources are so stretched and who have such stressful lives.

What is this state of grace that so many achieve — and that has so little to do with material or monetary status? How do some people live their lives so effortlessly in quiet refinement? Why is grace such a palpable and edifying value, whose presence lifts all those who come in contact with it?

I once visited a home for mentally challenged children in a remote village in Madhya Pradesh. Run by two elderly nuns from Ireland, it seemed to me — to be existing on the edge of civilisation almost on the border of the jungle -precarious and vulnerable. And yet, somehow, its children had food on their plates, and a roof over their heads. Two septuagenarian nuns with nothing going for them, but prayer and hope were managing to nurture over a hundred children in their fold!

That was the first time my eyes had opened to grace under pressure — and ever since then I have been its keen admirer.

s_malavika @dnaindia.net