Column

The Spectator

I do not know about you but for me owning a mobile with its phone directory wiped out is a bit like walking through a minefield with a blindfold on.

What am I to make of all these smses I receive with no names at the end? Take this one for instance: ‘Having chillian (sic) wine in front of Arabian Sea… thinking of you…’ Who on earth could this be from? An ex-lover? An underworld Don? My old aunt from Ludhiana? How will I ever know unless I call and reveal my ignorance? And having done that will I be any the wiser? And should I best leave such messages to the realm of fantasy, rather than discovering that the sender was my tailor from Bhandup?

Why do people send messages without signing their names at the end? I guess, for a very good reason. They assume that you belong to the civilised techno-savvy world where people are expected to not go around having their entire phone directories wiped out. They expect you to have their numbers saved. They demand that modicum of familiarity.

But when you are like I have been in a situation where all is a blank sheet, all is up for grabs, you feel you are navigating your social life with no safety net, and every new unsigned message received is an invitation to a game of Russian roulette.

For instance, what on earth should I make of this message: ‘Obama announcing candidacy on cnn live. End (sic) if (sic) remind anyone else of martin luther king and Gandhi? If I had written off America, I may be beginning to reconsider.’ Who on earth could have sent me this message? Osama Bin Laden? My spotty next door neighbour who wears a Guns N’ Roses T- Shirt? The American Consul General? The mind boggles!

And how about the insidious little ones I get — the ones that say “Great. See you in twenty” or “I agree” or even “Hey. Drinks tonight?” what on earth have I done to elicit them? Have I been sleep-talking? Communicating through brain waves with strangers? Body-shopped by a group of sms crazy aliens? Am I the only one who gets so befuddled by anonymous smses?

As far as confusing anonymous smses go — I am listing them so that whoever sent them can own up to sending them so I don’t stay up all night as I have been doing, wondering what it all means. ‘And your sister’s name is?’ Is one such whose sender I’d like to know, along with ‘Hey waiting to hear from you about your shoe size’. But they’re certainly not as ominous and mysterious as the one that I recently received which refuses to yield any meaning whatsoever whichever way I turn it.

Chilling in its finality it says bluntly ‘her name is bedbug.’

Will whoever sent me that sms kindly identify themselves and save me many sleepless nights of confusion?

s_malavika@dnaindia.net