Column

I think this is actually a load of guff, but I'm going there anyway. I've been forced to spend a few hours in Bandra on and off the past few days. Actually, I quite like Bandra and tried to live there a few years ago till I realised that my wallet and my desires had not spoken to each other for a while. I do go there quite often now - mainly to shop it must be admitted.

But this has been different. I've actually had to look closely at the people. And they are like that tomato sauce: Different from the other tomato sauces. A gym I walked into (because and for another person, not me), was like a film set, with actors of various genders treadmilling and weighting (or is it called cardioing and stepping). Plus looking at themselves in the mirror to check how they looked. To me, they looked like aliens. I have been to other gyms and the people there huffed and puffed and many were seriously unfit. They never looked at themselves in the mirror.

Then I went to a café to eat. All right, this I have done before in Bandra. But for the first time, I realised that the people around me were like the people in the gym - not human. This happens quite often when you go to Page 3 event parties - it is the invasion of the body snatchers. Mwaah mwaah, pose for camera, go back to your pod and whiz back to the galaxy far far away. The Bandra people are not quite Page 3 people but they are here to stay. The invasion is complete. Like desis and others have taken over England and not a native is to be seen on London's streets, so in Bandra, the original inhabitants are hidden in the bylanes. The others are now eating bagels and crepes (pronounced 'craps' in Indian) and speak in drawling accents. Maybe they want to become Page 3 people one day. For which they will have to shift either to Malabar Hill or Juhu or Versova (really, and how that happened I haven't yet understood). So I crawled back to my own little suburb and hoped that a bagel craperie would never open there. The invasion may spread in which case, I better practise looking at myself in the mirror.

Pick of the week: I think Himesh Reshamiya looks very pretty now that he has hair and a fabulous fringe that sweeps across his face emphasising his lips. The beard looks a little incongruous but he looks much sweeter than the other boys who are singers and music directors and are churning the ocean of tunes to do something to the world of music (my ability to understand TV reality show hoardings ran out halfway through the tagline). I do not know if any of the four can sing, but Himesh is much prettier, so he should win.
b_ranjona@dnaindia.net