Column

Pepsi has not just changed taglines like hostilities change underwear, from Nothing Official to Youngistaan (quick trivia: Youngistaan changes to Youngstown in Microsoft. Word). It’s also changed brand ambassadors like Hefner changes Playmates — Amitabh, SRK, John, Ranbir, Deepika and Sachin. In fact, almost every famous Indian face, except Mayawati, has endorsed it. Clearly, Pepsi likes tying up with different celebrities.

However, there are two sides to a bottle cap. There are celebrities that like tying up with brands (read: Indian cricketers). That explains the casting: Dhoni, Sehwag, Ishant, Uthappa and Praveen Kumar. Hardly surprising, since Dhoni is the new Sachin (and China is the world’s largest democracy), Sehwag has a great manager and the others hang out with either of the two.

The other boys look like the casting director’s (or whoever was in charge) train stopped over the Mithi river, he saw these boys jumping with glee into the river and he short-listed.

Prima facie, the ad is quite simple. The cricketers are on a little yacht in the backwaters of Kerala. They spot a boat-full of ‘Pepsi My Cans.’ Immediately, they know they want it. But there is another set of boys who want it too. There is a set of alligators who want everyone, but they aren’t in frame.

The boys, seeing they are Indian cricketers, challenge them to a game of cricket, knowing full well they stand a better chance of beating them at cricket than any other sport. The cricketers, knowing full well Steve Bucknor isn’t around, immediately agree. The winner gets the Pepsi. It’s a simple deal. The cricketers, being the bullies, get to bat. Ishant takes strike with an oar, since he can’t do any better with a bat. The fielders are on boats. The ball is bowled. Ishant swings. He connects for the first time. Harsha Bhogle, wherever he is, takes note to add to his vast collection of ‘Useless Indian Cricket Statistics’.

The fielder, in his attempt to catch, steps on and overturns the boat that has all the Pepsi cans, but emerges out of water having caught it. The cricketers aren’t happy because the Pepsi’s sunk and Ishant because he didn’t score again, and they leave. The boys, clever as they don’t look, end up netting all the Pepsi cans and just like that, what rightly belonged to the cameraman goes to the boys. There is a song playing in the background but since 26% of TV viewing is done on mute (apparently a fact), the song got missed.
Now, as knowledgeable citizens ready to vote, we must inform ourselves further, by asking questions and then answering them.

Q. Does Sehwag weave his hair?
A. Questions about the ad please.
Q. Oh, Okay. What are the cricketers doing there?
A. Shooting another ad of a local brand.
Q. How did the boat-full of Pepsi cans reach there?
A. It was being secretly smuggled into Lakshwadeep.
Q. Why don’t the cricketers have Pepsi in their boat if they love it so much?
A. Because that’d mean they would have to buy it themselves.
Q. Why do the cricketers laugh when challenged to a game of cricket?
A. Because they are not used to working to get anything.
Q. Why is Ishant Sharma given the oar?
A. That is the agency’s attempt to make a suggestion about Indian batsmen’s form.
Q. Why does the game last only one ball?
A. It’s a new format being explored by ICC.
Q. Why do the cricketers leave once the boat of Pepsi cans overturns?
A. They realise they have many other ads to do.
Q. Why do the boys laugh in the end?
A. They are actually laughing at the cameraman who didn’t get water during filming.
Q. Why are they holding the can like they do?
A. Research shows if the Pepsi My Can is held any other way, the Pepsi inside turns to plain water.
Q. Any advice for the viewers?
A. Carry your own Pepsi, don’t play cricket on a boat and don’t talk to strangers.
Q.So does all this make it a good ad or a bad ad?
A. Questions about Sehwag’s hair please.
The author is a writer &producer, and has authored the book —Welcome To Advertising, Now Get Lost