Why IITians need a 'saathi'’s help

One day, my gay world breached into my so-called “regular” world. Someone wrote an obscene comment on my Orkut profile and when I read that, I spent four hours crying. I was afraid that people would find out that I was gay and hate me. I went into depression followed by intense self-loathing and fear.”

“My friend’s cousin committed suicide. His parents found his internet browsing history. Without waiting for their reaction, or even coming out — he wasn’t even sure he was gay! — he killed himself.”

“I tried convincing myself that I am attracted to girls. I even convinced myself I’m bisexual (this is a standard stage many gay people go through). But eventually, at the age of 16, I finally accepted that I am indeed gay.”

These are some of the life stories of the people involved with Saathi, the LGBT group formed at IIT Bombay, and despite their efforts to prevent others undergoing this trauma, they still face some opposition.

“Some of the faculty thinks Saathi promotes homosexuality,” admits Nivedan, one of the co-founders. “It is that mindset we are looking to change.” IIT Bombay’s LGBT support group Saathi now boasts 75 members. And despite such reservations — Harishchandra Ramadas, the co-founder and a student at IITB, is optimistic. “Yes, some people imagine us as being these immoral animals who romp all day having sex. But once they see us and realise that we, like them, are loving, caring, smart human beings, successful engineers or scientists or whatever, these perceptions will change.”  Other members of the faculty from the social sciences and humanities stream have become enthusiastic supporters and have joined Saathi.

Saathi has been a long time in the making, says Ramadas. “Alumni had formed a group on Yahoo around four years ago.” It was unmoderated — and had the “occasional creepy individual from somewhere in Powai soliciting sex” — but also some just looking for acceptance and help.  “Shankar, an alumnus, got in touch with us through that group.”

Shankar, who is now doing his PhD in the US, remembers what he had to go through a few years ago, saying “If only I had had someone to talk to, someone to share my grief, my fear and my pain with. That was the phase when I was still struggling with my sexuality. I used to be terribly scared and lived in fear. I had perfected the art of keeping the world away, keeping my family and my best friends away from the real me.”  Shankar is an avid supporter of Saathi, in the hope that it will extend the kind of support to students that was not available to him. “I am impressed at the support that they have received from straight allies. This indicates that people are becoming more progressive.”
Saathi has developed a mentor system, wherein students can chat, email or meet with a support person. “Ultimately, all dissenting voices only need to see normal healthy productive gay people in front of them. That alone will do wonders,” says Ramadas.