The New Rules is a dating advice book that tells women to be passive and rude — don't talk, look at or smile at a guy, don't say anything about yourself for a while and don't respond quickly to texts or calls. Apoorva Dutt imagines a week in the love life of a 'Rules Girl'.
The New Rules is a dating advice book that tells women to be passive and rude — don’t talk, look at or smile at a guy, don’t say anything about yourself for a while and don’t respond quickly to texts or calls. Apoorva Dutt imagines a week in the love life of a ‘Rules Girl’
Day 1
Dear diary,
I have been reading The New Rules: The Dating Dos And Don’ts For The Digital Generation. Nina sent me the e-book while we were chatting about how Pranav is not responding to my texts. We broke up, like, two years ago. By now, his hormonal problem (my perfection was giving him headaches, he said) must have subsided. After that Nina went offline, and her phone was switched off too. I hope she’s okay.
But meanwhile I have The Rules to fill in for my best friend! According to The Rules, these silly men have no idea what they want, so we have to play hard to get so that they want it more. And I have the right candidate to try The Rules on — Aditya, the new hottie in office!
Day 2
Rules applied: “Wear fashionable oversized sunglasses and big bags...don’t talk to, sit or stand next to him.. don’t say much about yourself.”
Dear diary,
So I kinda injured Aditya. But The Rules don’t say anything about injuring a guy first, so I’m counting this as a win!
I walked into office with my oversized sunglasses and big bag, not even looking at him. But when I walked past, my swinging bag made contact and I turned to see Aditya sprawled on the ground near his chair. “Why don’t you look where you’re going?” he asked while being carried to the medical room. Second win: he initiated conversation! I could feel the sparks when he looked at me with a burning gaze while being administered a painkiller. “Why are you here?” he asked. I wasn’t saying much. Then he asked for my number!!! I think he’s The One, dear diary.
In other news, when I called Nina’s landline, some woman with a deep voice picked up and said Nina was out of town. She can be so self-absorbed.
Day 3
Rules applied: “Take at least four hours to reply to a text, and don’t say much in text messages...wait for a Saturday night dinner invite.”
Dear diary,
Aditya texted! He said: “Hey. The medical bills for the accident are very high. Your careless behaviour is putting me in debt. I don’t want to involve the bosses, so when can we meet to settle this?” So I replied after four hours, saying, “Okay, but I’m busy all week except Saturday night.” Then he replied, saying “Okay.” Now I have a hot date! If only Pranav could see this, he would die! I did email him about Aditya, but Pranav doesn’t seem to check his email much. I guess I could hop by his gym to see if he’s around. Toodles, diary!
PS: Today I could have sworn I saw Nina at the mall. But when I went over to her, the girl just turned and ran! So that was clearly not Nina. But what a strange reaction for that woman to have! People are weird.
Day 4
Rules applied: “Don’t talk much about yourself...end the date first — he shouldn’t know much about you... don’t introduce him to anyone...don’t answer texts after midnight.”
Dear diary,
“Can you afford these medical expenses?” Aditya said to me at the date, pulling out a file from his bag. “I don’t know,” I said in a sultry voice. “What do you mean?” he asked. “I mean, um, tell me about yourself. What do you like doing?” I said, cunningly avoiding revealing anything about myself. “I like not being in debt,” he said in a raised voice. “Do you have an accountant whom I could speak to?”
Well, diary, I can’t introduce him to anyone, so this was a toughie. But I’m a Rules Girl. I maintained an enigmatic silence. He kept asking probing questions about my intelligence and ability to converse, but a Rules Girl doesn’t give away her secrets! I soon excused myself. I am still getting texts. Playful questions about my sanity, teasing remarks about talking to the boss, Aditya has fallen hard.
Day 5
Rules applied:“Don’t allow for dating to continue without a solid commitment... deal with rejection by moving on to another guy.”
Dear diary,
It’s over.
After I replied to his texts in the morning asking about where he saw us as a couple, Aditya emailed saying that I am “totally creepy” and that he doesn’t care about the bills anymore, and that I should “please stay away”. I just don’t understand how it suddenly went wrong! Maybe this hormonal reaction to my perfection is a common occurrence.
But I should move on, as The Rules demand. I wonder what Pranav is up to tonight. I guess I could hang around his apartment, and if he emerges, well, what happens, happens! You can’t stop chemistry, diary.
In other news, still no word from Nina.
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