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Thank God I’m Single

Take one long look around yourself today and you’ll notice that remaining single is becoming a conscious choice for many people, both men and women, whether unmarried, divorced, separated or widowed.

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It is easy on the head, there is not much load,” says Shirish Sharma, Software Engineer,  “There is no J (Jealous) factor that you have to constantly deal with, so that’s a real blessing.”

“I like the fact that you’re spared the hassle of leaving an evening with friends mid-way to hurry back home. One can forget birthdays and it doesn’t matter,” says Mihir Srivastava, ad film maker.

“I like the independence of being able to just pack my things and relocate on the spur of the moment, in any other part of the country, without having to worry about disrupting my husband’s career,” says Rachna Puri, AVP, HR, UTV Group.

Take one long look around yourself today and you’ll notice that remaining single is becoming a conscious choice for many people, both men and women, whether unmarried, divorced, separated or widowed. Experts say it is quite likely that in the 21st century many people may end up spending the majority of their adult life being single.

Free-spirited
“Earlier people felt you had to be married to be happy, and while they still constitute the majority, more and more people these days want to get married only if it assures them happiness in the long run,” says psychologist Anjali Chhabria. These are usually people who are not dependent financially, socially or even emotionally on anybody, and pursue other interests actively.

Psychologist Varkha Chulani says smart singles are focused and have good support systems, contrary to myths about how miserable and insecure they feel. “In fact, they know the best part about their single status is the freedom that comes with it, which allows them to do their own thing.”

This can take many forms: steering your career in the direction you want, hanging out with people just like you, and not having to give explanations in terms of your time or your finances.  

‘Maybe I’ll marry when I’m 60’

“Being a biker who rides with the Indie Thumpers, what I really like about being single is the fact that when I go on these long rides, I can hook up with someone random. It just adds to the whole sense of adventure,” says Behzad Gazder, Art Director, Ogilvy One Worldwide.

“Sure, I have my share of ‘friends with benefits’, but this whole thing of meeting somebody new while riding cross-country is something else altogether. Besides, a steady girlfriend may not want to ride for 14-16 hours a day with me, or share my passion for bikes,” he adds.

“I also like the independence that comes with being single. Just pack my things and start my bike and I’m off. Sometimes I go to Lonavala with friends in the middle of the night just to have a chai,” says Gazder, “and boy do I love it!”

“Most of my friends wanted to get married and they all went out and did so but marriage was never a driving factor for me,” says Mary Anne, a banker. “I cannot say I am closed to the idea of marriage but I really cannot stand somebody possessive. I am 41 years old and nobody said marriage is age-bound, maybe I’ll marry when I am 60,” she shrugs.

“The only, only thing that bothers me about being single is that I don’t know how to cook because there are times when you don’t want to eat outside food,” says Hemant Aggrawal, 43, credit analyst. “But I know I’m too headstrong to get into a compromise situation like a long-term relationship. I know exactly what I want, including which old age home I want to go to,” he adds.

Single income, no conflict

But what about the everyday practical matters? Being single is often considered high maintenance, because couples can share a house and other things with two incomes. However, there’s another side to it as well. “I feel it is much easier to manage your finances when you’re single,” says Puri. “Couples generally get caught up in arguments over which way to go with investments.”

Also, society seems to be reconfiguring its mindset towards singles. There are more builders now who are offering flats suitable for single occupants. At restaurants and bars, you’re no longer met with a quizzical “Dining alone, Ma’am? / Will somebody be joining you, Ma’am?” look.  

The social disconnect
But surely there are downsides to being single? “Of course,” says Priyanka Gupta, media professional. “Most of my married friends will not introduce me to their husbands, or will really dilly-dally with the introductions. A very close friend waited five years before introducing me to her husband,” she says.

“Married people tend to enjoy a certain respect in the community. Baal Bachhon wala hai is what people say about them,” says Gazder.  “I feel girls always forget their own friends after marriage and start socializing more with their husband’s side of friends, which isn’t very comforting,” says Puri. “I live alone and everytime it’s Sunday, my friends, most of who are married, end up being with their spouses, so I guess that’s the downside to being single, not having anybody to hang out with,” says Srivastava.

But Mary Anne would rather curl up with a book. “In fact, it never does get lonely because I love reading and have plenty of friends. I like the fact that when I’m reading, there’s nobody to irritate me. I know friends who have to seek permission from their husbands each time they want to go out, despite being married for several years. And as for sex, that’s just a slice of the pizza, not the entire pizza and sure it happens. Whenever my boyfriend is in town, it happens,” says Mary Anne.
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