How do you know when it’s the right time to get intimate with the person you’re dating? A standard, unwritten rule is that there should be no physical intimacy until the third date. Logically, that would imply it might be appropriate to kiss on the second date after having kept the first casual and light. Such are basic guidelines that straight people follow, so that they don’t have a misunderstanding when their date makes the first move or when they allow themselves to get intimate. Otherwise, a girl could be construed as ‘loose’ for putting out too soon, and a guy might gain a reputation of being interested only in a fling.
However, for gay people, it’s quite different. Being a guy, you have a better idea of what your date is thinking, because you know how a gay guy thinks — you are one.
I recently started dating someone, after having met him through a common friend. We both knew that there was a spark between us. So we went out for a drink, and the date went on for a while. I suggested we go back to my place to watch a DVD, and my date seemed very interested in where the evening was headed. I knew that there was a good chance things might happen, but a part of me was wary. What if he didn’t want to see me after the sex? What if he got the wrong idea? What if it ruins our chances to explore what we had?
Once we reached my apartment, it happened. The first kiss made all those doubts disappear, and I realised that I needn’t have worried. I knew what he wanted and I knew what I wanted. It isn’t just that I’m good at perceiving people. I understood what he wanted because I’m gay, like him. I could tell what he was thinking. I’m pretty sure he’d also figured out what was going on in my head. So there was no reason to stop doing what we both knew we wanted to do.
The next morning, he was still there. We knew that putting out on the first date itself wasn’t a mistake. We’ve seen each other several times since.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s the first date or the third. What matters is knowing what your date wants, and whether or not you want the same thing. Gay people have a slight advantage in that area. It’s easier if you can put all your cards on the table and have your date do the same so as to avoid misunderstandings. For gay people, the expectations may as well be on the table, since you can practically read your date’s mind. But with neither actually speaking about their expectations, there’s still that sliver of excitement, and the element of mystery keeps those cards floating in the air.
— Sam is not his real name
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