Last week brought together a strange mix of problems. Some grappled with complaints of swine flu symptoms; others soldiered on rising to the challenge of tackling the panic and confusion.
Schools declared week-long holidays and parents were suddenly confronted with a not-so-unusual problem — idling kids mostly up to no good! Moms weren’t coping well, newspapers reported. Some were even sending symptomatic kids to the few schools that were open, others’ parents alleged.
Mothers have it tough all the time, even without the vile H1N1multiplying all around.
“Generally moms are on tenterhooks,” says Priyadarshini Chatterjee. Like most mothers with demanding bosses and work schedules, she employs help, that’s always much-needed during emergencies like the one that the flu created. The journalist came up with the idea of getting her six-year-old interested in craft work to give the constant complaints of boredom a break.
Babita Harry says she plans the day for her daughters if they are not in school. “I just assign them some chores and give them time slots for TV viewing,homework, reading, painting and so on. When I return home, I make sure I check what they’ve done,” she says. Harry is glad that she can leave the kids with a domestic help in the safety of the apartment building.
The presence of other children, neighbours, security guard is reassuring, Harry doesn’t carry any worries to work.
The importance of support systems of all kinds was acknowledged afresh during the last few days. “I leave my children with my mother. I have never left them alone,” says Rumi Rathod, an entrepreneur. Yet, when the mother gets a call from school, it is seen as an SOS. “If she has to take off from work, she has to take off,” says Chatterjee quoting an instance of a parent who had to rush out of office to pick up her child who was running a high fever.
“This has happened several times.I have taken leave from work to attend to my sons,” says Punita Kadanki, a montessorian. Thankfully for Kadanki, the workplace and school were in the same neighbourhood. It also helped tremendously that she worked only till 3 pm. Besides, her sons’ school has “been very helpful, allowing the children to rest in the sick room or sending them home in the school van.”
Kadanki adds that not all schools might make things as easy for parents who might also be guilty. Lack of options might compel them to coax children into their classrooms even if they are slightly unwell.
“We have at least two to three cases each month of unwell children coming in to classes despite our strict policy that the child should be off medication and free of symptoms for at least 24 hours before he returns,” says Katherine Rustumji, CEO, Kara for Kids. Rustumji remembers one instance where nine of her 30 staff members “went missing” on a single day, they had all caught an infection from one child! That created many other problems, including those concerning safety of the children.
“Parents too have no option but to see that the child lasts in school,” she adds. But while pushing him to go to school is not fair to the child, it is a reality one has to contend with, what with demanding employers and dwindling incomes dictating choices of young parents. “My boss was curt to me the next day. I realised he wasn’t fine with me taking leave on account of my daughter’s illness,” says Shreya Pai.
She got the message alright and it is one that she will remember as long as she holds her present job. Pai has to come up with alternatives and fast.
Rathod found herself desperately looking for alternatives while working in Mumbai where she had absolutely none to fall back on for support. The parent had to deposit her 2-year-old in a day care centre.
Unfortunately, it meant that the little one had to spend even a few hours of the evening there while mom made it through the 25 km commute. “I would leave her there at 8 am and go back only at 8 pm.
Although, she would have a lot of fun at the centre, I would get stressed and guilty about not spending time with my daughter.” Rathod decided to move to Bangalore where she now devotes more time to her children.
While Rathod falls back on her mother to step in for her often, she still relies on activity centres to provide a stimulating environment for her children. This of course is a healthy option when there is no illness in the picture! “It’s better to send them to a hobby centre where they can draw or paint than make them spend the day with your domestic help,” says Kadanki.
Rathod feels that the ideal situation would be when a child spends half a day at home and the other half at an activity centre, some of which “are excellent”. There are all kinds to suit all pocket sizes, she says. Enrolling your child in one doesn’t mean you want to get him off your hands.
In fact, “they learn a lot more there than they do maybe sitting around with their grandparents all day. They socialise, are creatively challenged.” And to all those who have nothing but sympathy for the mother nurturing a child and a demanding career she says, “Parents to whom career matters a lot will always think of something (to achieve a win-win situation).”
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