It's not a 'gay' life

Last August, Simon McNorton, a 28-year-old Indicorps fellow, came to India to work in a Rajasthan village. A vocal gay activist abroad, McNorton decided to try and blend in with Chachiyawas’ villagers by keeping his homosexual orientation private. He convinced himself it would be easy because he wouldn’t meet gays in a village, where most people would be married and not talk or think about homosexuality.

But after being groped by a labourer, whose wife and children were just a few metres away, ‘repressed sexuality’ took on a whole new meaning for McNorton. For someone whose vocabulary — and blog — is peppered with terms like ‘pushing your limits’, ‘discovering your life agenda’, and ‘being the change’ the incident remarkably changed his priorities.

The Indian connection
“I’ve worked for gay rights and against homophobia in the US and UK for the last five years, but I conveniently assumed I would not find those ‘issues’ here. I was naïve,” says McNorton. His work involves helping adults and children with developmental disabilities. He wanted this stint in India to be about discovering his Indian roots, his ‘Indian-ness’ and making a social impact.

“What happened on that roof forced me to think about how much work we need, in every corner of the world, to be comfortable with our identities. I now know I would like to use my experience in pushing for gay rights in India, too — something I had never considered all these months.”

The UK-based McNorton’s Indian connection comes from his mother (she is an Indian married to a Briton). It was she who egged him on to explore his roots, perhaps more so because McNorton’s interaction with the Indian community throughout his childhood and his twenties had been “strange”.

“Ten years ago, being half-Indian and gay was a confusing identity to grow up with. The Indian community, hell bent on being ‘traditional’, was severely homophobic. The gay community in the UK, on the other hand, was predominantly white and not inclusive when it came to Indians.”

McNorton remembers not being allowed to join in at gay parties if he went with an Indian group. Over time, he was aware of a definite sense of shame in being half-Indian. “My mother noticed it too. So, one day, she asked me why I hadn’t ever given thought to working for race equality besides my gay rights work. That’s how I came to work for Indicorps,” he says. (Indicorps is an NGO that encourages the Indian diaspora to get involved in grassroots projects back home.)

Not a gay life
Life in Chachiyawas means being hungry all the time (McNorton blogs about how food in the village never feels enough for his active metabolism), frequently questioning himself on why he chose such a difficult project, and dealing with a persistent query the villagers don’t seem to tire of. “The first question I am asked in a conversation is whether I have a wife. I usually mumble ‘I’m too young’, only to hear ‘But, you’re so old’! Then, they ask who I’d prefer — a westerner or an Indian bride. My attempts at discussing the weather or how nice the chai is are always futile.”

His personal life seems to crop up at every turn, even though he really did not want it to be any part of his Indian experience. On his blog, he speaks about how his friend in the UK warned him that he wouldn’t be able to kiss men in India and he replied he wasn’t coming to India to kiss men in the first place. 

A few months ago, McNorton’s boyfriend, Justin, came to visit him in Rajasthan, and he chafed at the cultural taboos in India. “He knew how it worked here, but it did get to him that we couldn’t even hold hands. We were not even given a double bed at a hotel in Jaipur despite our requests. Fortunately, our hotels in Delhi and
Agra did.”

At this point, McNorton pauses to reflect on their future as partners. He says there’s no way Justin can live here given his career in the US army, and the discomfort he feels with the negative reaction to homosexuality in most places in India. “But I need to come back someday, somehow. India needs a lot of help to work towards making homosexuality acceptable and ‘normal’. I want to put my experience to some good use,” he says.

Working for gay rights
Before coming to India, McNorton worked for gay rights within affluent, educated societies “who don’t need his help anymore.” He came out at 18, and had a difficult time. The UK, he explains, wasn’t as gay-friendly as it is now. Civil partnerships were illegal and people could be sacked from work if they came out, especially those in the army. Newspapers too were insensitive and irresponsible in their reportage of LGBT issues.

“Things have changed so much in the US and UK, but here in India I found it difficult to even make people listen to a programme on sex. Homosexuality doesn’t even exist in the list of the concepts they understand. We’ll first have to start with using the term ‘MSM’ (men having sex with men), which includes men who have wives and children — just to introduce the idea,” he feels.

Grand plans, however, will have to wait. McNorton’s main worry at the moment is the consequences of the villagers ever finding out about his sexuality. “They trust me with handling a very sensitive aspect of their childrens’ lives - their disabilities. But if they find out I am gay, they may take their children away…”

There are other more mundane issues McNorton’s dealing with as well. There are milk bottles to be bought late in the evenings from potentially unsafe areas. There is a constant, personal struggle against a lack of direction and concentration he feels. And then, there are Rajasthan’s ATMs that feel compelled to spit out his debit card when he needs money the most. So, for now, McNorton finds the closet a rather comfortable place to be in.