Most people in life would have experienced the unpleasant fact of being bullied at some stage or the other in their lives, with varying degrees of pressure.
Says psychotherapist Seema Hingoranny, “Bullies are a part of the reality of life. It could be friends, someone at the workplace, or even bullies within the family like a sister, a brother or an aunt and an uncle. A bully will always try to put you down, often with an aggressive tone of voice. Bullies pinpoint your shortcomings with the aim of making you look inferior to them. They also use sarcasm and anger skillfully as tools to manipulate you. Their criticism often has a destructive intent.”
What are the other signs to recognise a bullying situation? According to spiritual savant and tarot card reader Shirley Bose, even people with over-strong opinions can be bullies. “Some people who pursue their point of view till the end and insist that the other person change his or her opinion can also be perceived as bullies. Or, if the other person insists that you do something that you’re uncomfortable with, then that can also turn out to be a bullying situation.”
How does one handle a bully? Laughs artist Jitish Kallat, who recalls a sole kindergarten instance of bullying by another boy who would pinch him viciously while in school, “I would run home to my parents and let them sort it out the next day, since I was a non-violent kid.” That is probably the correct response for school children and those too young to know how to handle bullying themselves, says Shirley. She adds, “Never get into a confrontation with a bully. Back off for that moment. Then after a day or two when things have become cooler, you can initiate talks and get the person to see another point of view, which they might not have considered in the heat of the moment.”
Seema says that it is usually advisable to maintain your distance from a bully. However, there are sometimes cases especially when the bully is within the family that it’s impossible to get away. “In that case don’t get dragged into their web of negativity by believing what they say. Work on your inner positive self with positive self-talk and simultaneously try and associate with positive people who lift your sense of self esteem,” says the psychotherapist. She also feels that it’s mandatory to communicate your hurt to the person who’s bullying you. “Don’t be submissive and passive but try and display confidence instead.”
Designer Azeem Khan, who says that he’s experienced bullying by his three older brothers, feels that one needs to overcome one’s fear in such a situation. “Learning a sport or doing yoga helps one become physically fitter and gives one a sense of well-being. When one is fearful of a bully, that’s also a sign that one needs to know oneself better. Work on your inner self,” he advises.
Shirley feels that learning meditation can help in such a situation by calming the mind and advises self-reflection as well. Seema opinesthat bullies try to provoke anger in their victims, so one’s threshold of anger needs to be monitored in a way that best suits one.
Concludes Seema, “Above all, if you’re caught up in a bullying situation or in the angry mode, go away from the spot and don’t get into any arguments with the bully. That you need to avoid physical abuse is paramount and goes without saying.”
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