Why ‘we-talk’ matters?

Even if you do not call your partner with endearments like ‘Sweety’ ‘Honey’, etc, but simply refer to each other as a team using pronouns  like ‘we’ or ‘us’, you are indicating that you both are in a healthy, stable relationship. 

For any relationship to succeed, both participants need to be active, vocal, receptive, sensitive, communicative and most of all be team players. There can be no ‘us’ if both partners look at things only from one perspective. In fact, a new study from the University of California Riverside found that pairs who use first-person personal pronouns have more successful relationships and are happier and healthier. “We-talk is an indicator of interdependence and general positivity in romantic relationships,” said Alexander Karan, University of California graduate student and co-author of the study. “The benefit of analysing many different couples in a lot of different contexts is that it establishes we-talk isn’t just positively related in one context, but that it indicates positive functioning overall.” 

The study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, found that we-talk had a positive effect in relationships across all age groups. We got experts to pick sides in the we v/s me scenario. 

BEING ‘WE’ WITHOUT COMPROMISING ON ‘ME’

When in a relationship, one of the biggest fears that people have is losing their individual identity as once committed everything becomes about ‘us’. It’s this fear of the unknown that also deepens commitment phobia, leading a lot of people to look at the use of these pronouns as a sign that they are losing a part of themselves to stay committed.  Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal breaks it down for us. He believes that using “we” in communication with one another and other definitely helps. He says, “It gives a sense of belonging. This is essential for any relationship to be committed and long-term. It also helps remove commitment phobia for marriage.” Dr Hemant stresses on the fact that you do not have to lose yourself to be in a loving relationship. It’s just an extension of your individual personality.”

INCREASE EMOTIONAL CONNECTIVITY

While the question of whether happy couples are naturally more likely to use first-person plural pronouns or whether using the pronouns can make a couple more happy is yet to be determined, clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany, goes on to add that, “I have witnessed that couples who use these pronouns have a distinct personality of togetherness in everything that they do, which increases their emotional connectivity and attunement.

These couples are proud of their relationships that really help cement it further The only word of caution is that they need to maintain their sense of identity in their achievements with awareness. One can focus on their own self by using a healthy self-care protocol, within a positive relationship. Such a balance can be achieved with clarity of thought.”