Can your friendship be detrimental to your relationship? Mental health specialists share how both relationships can co-exist with your pal and mate
Pop culture has often explored the idea/theme of couples being best friends before walking down the aisle. The plot of many a romcom or romance novels delves into this subject all ending in a happily-ever-after. However in real life (IRL) situations things may not be so rosy. In fact, they are often just the opposite. As in the case of actress Anna Faris who recently admitted that she didn’t necessarily consider Chris Pratt, from whom she recently separated after eight years of marriage, to be her best friend.
Does your mate have to be your best friend?
Her statement has thrown the spotlight back on the question of whether your partner should also be your best friend? And can both relationships co-exist without one taking a toll on the other? Faris seems to think otherwise. For in her upcoming memoir Unqualified she has gone ahead and explained what she meant. In an essay she wrote, “The idea of your mate being your best friend — it’s overhyped. I really believe that your partner serves one purpose and each friend serves another. I truly believe it’s okay to have intimacy with different people in different ways.” We also quizzed mental health experts for their take on the same.
Navigating the mate and soulmate connection
As individuals we share a special bond with friends, and a best friend is almost like a shadow, who is there by your side through thick and thin. However, when couples are in a relationship, married or otherwise, friendships sometimes take a back-seat or are forced to play second fiddle. It’s not a role that anyone would fancy, but friends play along simply because they care and don’t want to make this an issue. This is even more true when a couple finds a close friend in the other. However, there are things one has to be cautious about warns psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria. She says, “The intimacy between a couple works at different levels and friendship is one such level. If your spouse also happens to be your best friend, then it is essential to keep the two roles independent as well as interdependent. One should bear in mind that the spouse can fulfil the role of a best friend with certain limitations and one shouldn’t shun other friendships just because one feels comfortable with the spouse.” Each individual will play a different role in our lives and it is essential to respect and accept that rather than considering one person (here spouse) as an all encompassing one.
Weighing in the pros and cons
Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal highlights points that one has to keep in mind if faced with a similar situation. He says, “It really helps if your spouse is your best friend, as it increases communication and makes things much easier. However, one needs to remember that all relationships will have difficult phases.” And while sharing a close friendship also means sharing good memories that help navigate the ups and downs, that intimacy too will have its limitations. He goes on to add that, “Best friends converting into long-term relationships will need to adjust to new demands of the relationship. There has to be a sense of togetherness, a need for US rather than WE and a long-term focus for the relationship without side-lining or ignoring other friendships.”
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