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Rick’s ramblings: Chamchis

Whenever discovered, these dangerous blood sucking creatures should be exposed and exterminated immediately...

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Hello, today in this social wildlife show, we are discussing a creature called ‘Chamchoid’, the scientific name for this creature Chamchis or Chamchas. These are found in all shapes and sizes in the Bollywood jungle.

Chamchoids: These are leaches like the bloodsucking parasitical creepy creatures found around every star/famous person (unrecognised by the host, of course). They mostly cloak themselves as friendly and helpful to the host but secretly feasting on the star power of the host till it lasts and once the star power goes out, they promptly latch on to another host. 

How do they manage to stick on? These clever creatures mostly take a friendly form attaching themselves to the famous host’s insecure side (that each and every human being has). These creatures are mostly not visually as appealing as the famous host so they come across as non-threatening to the host. They look like they do not pose a threat to their existence. These creatures fluff the host’s ego whenever needed, telling them they are flawlessly fabulous (or whatever the host wants to hear at that point), doing their dirty work of finding out what’s happening in others’ lives, sometimes even keeping an eye on the husband of the partner by being friends with them and of course, very importantly, collect the much-needed goss (gossip) from all around the social circuit to entertain the famous host when needed. They do this job by befriending, lunching and partying in different circuits and soaking in all the goss before doing the oolti (a ritualistic process of presenting all the information gathered in front of the famous host) when he or she is bored and needs entertaining. 

What actual jobs do these creatures do: No one really knows but they are always around. They mostly have some ceremonial possession around the famous host, a position that’s not really an actual job but something that keeps them around just so that they can hang around without looking like the blood sucking losers they are. 

What are these creatures scared of? Anybody that might get close to the host and develops a real relationship of any kind, but they are most the scared of an honest friendship, reason being insecurity of losing their position in the host’s social and personal life. In case a situation arises, these creatures go  in stealth mode, immediately using any and every means available to terminate these kind of friendly relations before they solidify into something, mostly to secure their position in the host’s life.

What they gain: Gifts of all kinds, bags, jewellery, clothes, shoes, some hand-me-downs, some new but most importantly, social access to other famous friends of the famous host that they can latch on to eventually when needed in the future for further gains, free all-expense, paid holidays with the host, selfies on Instagram with the host and her other famous friends that helps them gain more followers and likes and name dropping rights of course. They even make statements like “Of course, I’m her closest friend. We are almost like sisters, I know everything about her/him, we went on that holiday and God, it was so much fun it was like a girl gang of two lol ....” Stuff like that. 

Conclusion: Whenever discovered, these dangerous blood sucking creatures should be exposed and exterminated immediately...

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