Relationship Thursdays: Sex, Lies and Plato

Plato, the man responsible for propagating the concept of ‘philosophy’ through the written word with artistic élan and poetic prowess is quite easily amongst the heavy weights of philosophy as we know it. His thoughts though seemingly idealistic, give one the feeling that deep down he himself realizes that in a real world scenario several of his ideas are downright unrealistic. However, when understood properly, one realizes that his true intentions are actually to give us a better direction in the mental evolution of mankind. He believed that one must view every idea objectively, based on its merits, irrespective of the source of the idea. When viewed from this context, one might understand that Plato came up with the concept of a Platonic Relationship merely to encourage mankind as a whole to involve women as well in the search of new ideas and knowledge.

Having put that across, personally, I feel that Plato didn’t really believe that a man and a woman could be just and only friends. And if you do believe or want to believe that it is possible, then frankly I think you are lying to yourself.

Don’t get me wrong, all I’m doing is giving you a word of caution so as to prepare you for the moment when your ‘platonic relationship’ bursts all over your face like an ugly sore. In fact until just a few years ago I truly believed that a platonic relationship was very much a possibility and as a result I also believed that those who didn’t think it possible were simply narrow minded moralists! As a man, sadly, I’ve had many sexless relationships over the years with several women; however, for one reason or another none of these relations have actually lasted.

The main reason for this – the relationships were SEXLESS! The reality is that deep down we are all sexual beings and we all enjoy being attractive to the opposite sex. I believe that in any man-woman relationship, there is always a certain level of attraction from either or both parties involved. So at some point, someone is bound to get hurt or the relation will have to be ‘de-platonized’.

Another reason is marriage. I’ve actually had one woman friend, who before getting married, told me that either I have to consider getting married to her or she’ll have to stop staying in touch as she has to get married. Time and again I have seen how my platonic friends stop staying in touch once they get married. We all have seen this happen or will see it happen. And despite of how I hate it, I have to say that I understand why this happens.

Here’s another angle to it - : I once met a girl through a male friend of mine. She and I hit it off! Everything was hunky-dory until I realized that she and my male friend would still hang out together the way they used to. The funny thing is that my girlfriend told me about it later, however my single male friend never even spoke about it. The fact that my male friend kept this hidden from me bugged me and it made me question his intentions. Without sharing too many intimate details, let me just say that this ended up badly for all three of us.

So you see, I’ve learnt that a platonic relation is a really tough balancing act. All it takes is one minor fumble for everything to come tumbling down.

However, before I conclude, upon introspection I also must admit that I do have one relationship with a married woman that I like to believe is platonic. Things did get real ugly between us right before she got married to another man, but somehow, out of some sense of trust or respect we did stay in touch and over the years our relationship has blossomed into something beautiful.

A philosopher like Plato would say that nothing in life is certain. Hence, I can’t say that platonic relations are impossible; however, I still maintain that they are improbable! May be, in some warped manner, a platonic relationship is as rare and pure as true love; and perhaps it is only a chosen few that are destined to experience it in their lifetimes. So here’s hoping that your experiences are better than mine.