And if that is the case should you stick around or bail out? Get experts to give the answers.
Twenty-four-year-old Sharon Samuel had been dating her boyfriend for two years. While cleaning up his pad, she stumbled upon an album of pictures of her boyfriend with another girl. She mentioned the same to her boyfriend, only to leave him a bit uneasy. Samuel says, “At first I pinned his reactions to the fact that he may not be ready to share this part of his life. Later he explained it was one of his ex girlfriends. When quizzed about why he still had letters and an album of pictures preserved in his closet, he broke down and admitted that he was still finding it difficult to get over his ex, but was slowly getting there.
Initially, I was confused and not sure if I should call it quits. However, I decided to stick around and help him through this phase. I am glad I did that because it helped us become stronger as a couple.”
But is sticking around the best solution in such situations? The answer to that question varies according to a couple’s circumstances says psychologist Mansi Hasan. She adds, “All relationships have good and bad days, and to make it work, the partners need to agree to stick with each other through thick and thin. In case a past relationship is the reason of conflict between you and your partner, ending things abruptly or screaming and fighting may not be a solution. Most relationships
nowadays come with a baggage of the past. How we handle the past is important!”
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, agrees and adds, “It is not easy to accept that your partner still has feelings for his or her ex. You are likely to feel jealous and tend to compete with the ex. It raises doubts whether your partner will truly feel that way about you or ever get over the ex. Or you may begin to doubt your own self and question your worth, if you are not good enough is why (s)he still hung up on the ex. You may feel angry or upset with your boyfriend /girlfriend and even feel cheated for not telling you the truth or getting involved with you despite having feelings for the ex. This can easily lead to misunderstandings and false allegations and sooner than you realise, you begin to blame each other.”
It can be confusing to understand what to do in a situation like this. As you would think that (s)he did leave her/him and is with me now but at the same time, he still has not moved on. The important thing to remember is that it was an emotional experience for your partner, and it is not easy to switch your feelings on and off. It is a process of feeling and accepting the loss or void of someone you once liked or loved and then eventually you try and detach yourself with the ex.
Should you throw in the rug or stick around?
Whether you should carry on the relationship or leave him/ her depends upon few factors.
If your partner has had a recent or an abrupt break up, it will take time to get over the ex and move on. If your partner shared a very good relationship with the ex and it ended not because of your partner’s choice, it will be difficult for him/her to forget the ex. If you see him consciously trying and focusing on you and your relationship, then it a positive sign.
However, if you see him/her acting on his/her feelings for ex like texting or meeting her/ him even after a considerable time period has passed, then you must have a talk to him/her and clarify what is that (s)he wants. Maybe he is still not ready to give up on the ex-relationship and it’s time for you to move on.
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