Neha Sharma, a 29-year-old advertising executive was still moping around after her a sudden break-up, four years ago. She says, “I was in depression and got involved in multiple short-lived relationships). I eventually realised that I had not gotten over my break-up and still needed closure.” Neha approached a counsellor for help and started working on her self-esteem issues to gain insight into what went wrong to help her move on. She adds, “I decided to take a break from relationships and regain my emotional stability before getting involved in another one.
I eventually came to terms with things and made a conscious decision to take things slow and face my problems rather than act impulsively on the rebound.” Neha’s move to use this time for introspection, worked for her, and there is no reason why you can’t do the same. During the course of the year, there are many who have had to deal with heartaches, infidelity or the loss of a loved one. However, now it’s time to put that behind you, and start life on a fresh note. We tell you how to go about it.
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria tells you where to start
DO’s
Try and maintain a healthy distance from that person. This will allow you to focus on other important aspects of life such as their family, career and yourself.
Take good care of yourself by looking after your diet (try not to go on eating binges), indulge in an exercise routine and continue with your daily routine activities.
Try and introspect and learn from your mistakes i.e. work on your weaknesses such as short temper, over possessiveness, rigidity and so on.
DON’Ts
Dwell and ruminate over the same thing again and again.
Avoid getting into a rebound relationship.
Stop the blame game.
Try not to withdraw and isolate yourself from others i.e. don’t avoid calls or meeting your friends and family.
Try not to put yourself down and form negative opinions about yourself.
DON’T TURN BACK TIME TO OVERCOME SORROW
Dr Sanjoy Mukerji, psychologist and relationship counsellor, says, “It’s very important to understand that ‘not looking back’ is the only possible solution to overcome sorrow. There are few things to keep in mind for your next relationship.”
Recognise the pattern: After you are out of the relationship, think about what was it that led to the big step of ending the relationship. You have to recognise the pattern of yourself; it will help you realise where you went wrong and where you need to improve. Pattern can be an over possessive nature, whining, tone of talking in discussion, sarcasm while talking, being dominant, lack of patience, short temperament and more. A failed relationship isn’t one person’s responsibility so examine your fault and try to overcome it.
Develop self-esteem: Most relationships fall apart because one partner lacks the ability to reason out with another and that happens mostly due to insecurities. Developing self-esteem will help one feel confident and have an optimistic attitude towards life. Invest more time in grooming yourself emotionally and physically before you get into another relationship.
Understand what you want: Before getting into a relationship, understand what is it you want in your partner. Don’t expect the exact same qualities you envisioned, but go ahead with someone who possesses the most of those.
Opposites attract is a myth: Visualise a life with an exactly opposite person, and you will realise that it’s hard to live your life with such a person. You will only end up having frequent arguments because you two are poles apart. Look for similarities and common interests in your potential partner.
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
)
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
)
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
)
)
)
)
)
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}