Gay was the way for me

I knew I was into men when I was 14. Back then, I didn't give it much of a thought. I felt that it was just a weird phase that accompanied adolescence. But with time, it just became clearer that gay is the way for me. And the initial reaction was of shock and horror. I wanted to hide it from everybody so they wouldn't beat me up or worse, subject me to mental and physical torture. This reaction was owing to the negative homophobic notions that Indian society imposes on everyone.

Sex education for us was strictly given from the male-female perspective and the teacher "educating" us was a raging homophobe who openly said that gay sex leads to sin and you go to hell. This came from a biology teacher, holding an image of a cross-section of a penis, spewing this sort of bile.

So how is a kid to accept himself when he is taught to hate himself at a molecular level for being different?

Thankfully for me, the internet was around and I entered through the back alleys of pseudonyms on Facebook and other social platforms to connect with gay individuals living in other parts of the world. Some of them have it better; some worse. But I was pleasantly reassured through extensive reading and documentary-watching that it is completely normal to be gay. I read about Harvey Milk, Stonewall Inn, and the gay culture in New York. I also learned about other gay men in my vicinity. I befriended some and we are still friends.

The real acceptance I needed was from my family and friends. So after years being anxious, I came out to my best friend at 19. He accepted me without any fuss. That was my first foray into understanding that there are nice people out there who are willing to look beyond one's sexuality.

I started coming out to more friends and they all had a range of reactions.

Some were taken aback; some cut me off, others used Biblical jargon against me, while others tried to bridge the gap of their indifference by listening to my story.

I decided to turn my coming out experiences into a stand-up routine. Before I knew it, I was out publicly and talking about homosexuality and homophobia on stage. I still learn more as I go along. I meet people from both sides of the sexuality spectrum who like and dislike my jokes. It's fun either ways.

But there was only so much blabbering I could do in front of strangers. The real challenge was to tell my family. It was an instinctive decision to tell my mom first; and together we told the rest of the family. They were taken aback obviously. But with proper desensitization, they came around.

They looked at it from the society's point of view – concerns about settling down with a wife, having children and all that jazz. I told them it was imperative that I live my life as myself.
They'll need some more time to adapt , but meanwhile there's happiness in knowing that there's a whole world out there that understands.

With time, I am confident that people will lend their ears to the cries of the Indian LGBT community. The inclusion of the gay rights conversation in mainstream media is another turning point and a strong advantage to us.

It is essential for every young LGBT individual out there to not let go of hope. You'd be amazed with how much love and support can be found out there.