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Forgiveness in an unforgiving world

Despite their differences, all religions give importance to forgiving oneself and others leading to inner freedom

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“Forgive and forget,” they say. If it were so simple, we wouldn’t know what revenge is. But clearly we are obsessed with making sure the person who has wronged us gets the punishment. We hold on to the charge of anger and hatred towards the person and make sure they fall. The question thus arises: does taking the high road of forgiveness lead to the better road for inner freedom?

Forgiveness has been an important aspect in religious philosophies and has been widely discussed in scriptures. In Hinduism, there are two sides to forgiveness. Forgiving the other for the wrong done to you and seeking forgiveness for the harm you have caused another. They stand equally important in the act of forgiveness.

“Forgiveness is virtue; forgiveness is sacrifice, forgiveness is the Vedas, forgiveness is the Shruti. He that knoweth this is capable of forgiving everything. Forgiveness is Brahma; forgiveness is truth; and by forgiveness is it that the universe is held together,” Kashyapa quoted in the ‘Arjunabhigamana Parva’, ‘Aranya Parva’, the third book of the Mahabharata.

There are shlokas in Sanskrit, which ask forgiveness for the sins or misdeeds we commit. Forgiveness is born out of compassion or kindness and is thus considered a higher and tougher value to practice.

“It is forbidden to be obdurate and not allow yourself to be appeased. On the contrary, one should be easily pacified and find it difficult to become angry. When asked by an offender for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit... forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel.” (Mishneh Torah, Teshuvah 2:10) In Judaism, if a person asks forgiveness for the wrong, he has done and tries to rectify it, then the person who has been wronged is required to grant forgiveness.

The Jews observe the Day of Atonement on Yom Kippur, before which they ask forgiveness from people they have wronged during the year. On the day of Yom Kippur, they ask forgiveness from God for the sins they have committed.

Micchmi Dukkadum is a phrase, which is translated from Prakrit which means ‘may all the evil that has been done be fruitless.’ Jains use the phrase to ask forgiveness especially on Kshamavani Parva or Samvatsari that is the last day of the annual Paryusana Parva, the holiest time in Jainism.

Jains greet one another to ask forgiveness from all life forms and creatures that they have hurt and to stop holding grudges against one another.

They share the following message to one another: I grant forgiveness to all living beings, May all living beings grant me forgiveness; My friendship is with all living beings, My enmity is non-existent. Let there be peace, harmony, and prosperity for all.

Karen Swartz, M.D., Director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital says, “There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed.” Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, weight gain, heart disease and diabetes. It even affects our ability to focus and form new memories. Forgiveness calms stress levels, leading to improved health. Scientists found that people who went through the process of forgiving could jump higher than the people who held grudges in their heart. Dr. Robert Enright, a developmental psychologist at the University of Wisconsin–Madison designed forgiveness interventions for therapy and studied their psychological and physiological impacts. He found that those subject to forgiveness therapy showed more improvement in emotional and psychological health than control groups who received therapy without a forgiveness focus. Dr. Dabney Ewin, a surgeon who specialized in burns at a New Orleans hospital found that if patients are taught to forgive others and themselves, the burns heal much faster than those who don’t forgive.

Forgiveness includes forgiving the other and seeking forgiveness. But a very important aspect is also to forgive yourself for the pain you have caused as holding guilt leads to sadness and health problems.

Forgiveness does not mean resignation or submission to the unfair event. One needs to make the best efforts to ensure that he is not dealt an unfair hand. But that does not mean to hold a charge against the other as that just brings unhappiness and a sense of dissatisfaction. Forgiveness is to accept what has happened and make the best move for our welfare rather than doing something to bring down the other and be left with angst and anger, which just won’t die down.

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