Stay-at-home-dad: Fetching my daughter from school is high point of my day

What was your corporate life like? What prompted you to leave it?

I started my career in 1996, worked in a corporate firm for three years. At the time, I was a bachelor and didn't mind the rigmarole that came with the job. Then for about 4-5 years, I worked as a freelance marketing consultant working with a number of clients. In 2003, I got married, published my first book (Accidental Entrepreneur; Towards Self-Employment) and returned to a corporate entity. I was looking after operations, sales and business development. I used to travel two-three times every week and was taking back-to-back flights from one city to another. I would receive about 120 calls each day and most issues would need firefighting. While I gradually rose up the corporate ladder, I never understood the corporate hierarchy.

This continued for several years. One fine day in 2011, I was in a plane and the flight was landing when it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know which city I was landing in. Names of some 8-10 cities darted in my mind, but even as I kept peering out of the window, I was unsure about my destination. It took me about seven minutes to figure out that I was landing in Delhi. Another similar incident at a train station two weeks later made me really snap out of my reverie. I realised that this is not how I wanted to lead my live. In the meantime, my family had been living in stress... my wife had quit her job to take care of our daughter who was then in kindergarten, but she was eager to get back to her professional life. So, I bounced the idea of working-from-home with a few friends, and soon enough my wife returned to her job and I became a stay-at-home dad who worked from home.

What were your thoughts before you made the decision?

Just like sometimes, factories manufacture equipment with manufacturing defects, I felt something like that about myself. A lot of things about life didn't seem to me to be normal. I never understood why we all have to get heavy-duty degrees, designations, do big things, etc. But I never knew how to express this. Once I started working, made my money bought an apartment, car, etc, it all felt good but somewhere I stopped connecting to these things… I didn't know why that was the case.

What happens is we are conditioned to think of our lives as two separate entities – a professional life which takes up most of our time, and a secondary life wherein we pursue our hobbies, music, etc . But in my father’s time, life was different – he would be at his office by 10am and finish at 5.30pm, and had enough time to pursue both interests. There was no pressure of deadlines, targets, enough time to make lifelong friends, etc. Our lives now are very different. So it occurred to me that this is not going to work for me. Unless you are not happy in personal life, you cannot be happy in your professional life.

What is your typical day like now?

I wake up at 4am to meditate and do yoga. By 5.30am, my wife is up and we have tea together. My daughter rises by 7am and I drop her off to school by 8am. After returning home, I prepare breakfast, freshen up and settle down to work. My wife leaves for office by 9am on most days. By 1, I take a break and cook a light meal and eat. At 2.40, I go to pick up my daughter and we return by 3pm. She takes a nap and then we get down to her homework or I finish pending work. At 6pm, she goes downstairs to play and I head to the local market to buy groceries and vegetables. I then cook a light snack for all of us because its usually the time my wife returns home. Either the maid or my wife cooks dinner, which we eat by 8-8.30pm and then we go off to bed by 10pm.

I prefer to keep my client meetings in the first-half or on weekends. There've been times when I've taken my daughter along with me on business meetings.

Were you prepared for staying-at-home, what were you expecting?

I was prepared for the changes. As a bachelor, I used to cook and run the house, so this aspect didn’t pose a challenge. On the contrary, I liked it. I always tell the men around me to ‘go home and look after a child’. It teaches you a lot about yourself, and is something that even the Ivy league universities cannot teach you. And if you are a woman, go out and work, learn to manage your money, go see the world. These things are very essential. This role transformation need not be permanent, but it is essential to get this exposure, otherwise in the relationship, you start living in silos.

What does being a stay-at-home dad mean for you?

It is very important for me connect to my child and giver her the childhood she deserves. This is the least I can do for her. If I leave her to a day care centre, then 15 years later, I’ll regret the decision and rue that my kid doesn’t have values. This responsibility is extremely pleasurable, and has been one of the best experiences of my life. It teaches you the value of patience – something that you cannot learn otherwise.

Also, being a full-time dad brought forth my own truths. If I was in situations that I could not handle well, I had to reflect, draw my own learnings and handle the situation differently the next time around. Children are full of abundant energy…they are like butterflies and unpredictable. When my daughter returns from school, I may have something planned for her, but if she doesn’t want to do it, then at the drop of a hat, all planning goes haywire.

What do you enjoy the most about being a stay-at-home dad?

I enjoy going to school to pick up my eight-year-old daughter. The teachers bring all the students out and the parents are on the other side of the gate. As the kids spot their parents, one by one, they wave out their hand and call out the teacher and take leave. The moment my daughter spots me, the expression on her face is priceless! The few seconds journey from then on, when she draws her teacher’s attention to tell her that my dad is here and comes to me, that is out of the world. That's my most priceless moment of the day. And this is not something new – it has been going on for the last few years. It is absolutely the high point of each day.

Would you recommend being a stay-at-home dad to others?

Absolutely. Every day, I meet people who live suffocated lives all through their lives…I recently met a retired 59-year-old who used to be the president of a company… he doesn't know what to do with his life. So I absolutely recommend this, connect with yourself, your family, your friends. You have to have a personal vision for you life – just like companies have a vision for themselves. Otherwise, you will be lost in the world. The treasure will go away from under your feet and you won't be able to work out what your life was about.