Do happy couples need to see a counsellor?

Clara D’Souza had been married for over a year but despite having a love marriage, she was struggling to understand her partner/husband. Things got to a point where both of them would avoid talking to each other so that they would not end up arguing. Clara says,”It’s not like we stopped caring for each other. It’s just that we kind of settled into a routine and even the slightest thing would escalate into an argument. Things got to a point where we had to approach a counsellor who helped us sort our issues. Since then we do make sure to visit her just to make sure we are on the right track.” Clara says, “Most people recommend not going to a counsellor as there is a stigma attached to seeking professional help. However, if you address a problem when it rears its head, you put an end to it before it can become a larger issue.” Clara is not wrong in wanting to tackle a situation before it gets out of hand. We all know that most couples would only think of visiting a relationship counsellor when there’s trouble in paradise.

However, we would assume that just like your yearly medical check-ups, it would make sense to visit a relationship counsellor to make sure everything is as it should be. While pre-marriage counselling is not unheard of, post marriage, one may choose to approach a counsellor only as a last resort to fix things that seem to have gone way out of hand. But if you go with old world wisdom, they do emphasise that prevention is better than cure. If you believe in the wisdom of proverbs like this one, you would be wondering if seeking advice from a mental heath expert makes sense even when your relationship is not in stormy waters. We asked experts from the field to tell us how it can be beneficial in the long run. Here’s what they had to say.

Just like a doc, have a counsellor on call

There is a stigma associated with mental health experts as a result most people would rather shove their problems under the carpet than approach a counsellor who can help them resolve it. Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany, warns that this is a problematic situation as we wait for things to get really bad and then look for a fire extinguisher when the flames have already engulfed the building. She adds, “Many times, it is a possibility that some minor issues can escalate into a major conflict zone. A therapist very consciously evaluates the dynamics of the relationships and gives a red flag, if she/he assumes that these under currents can cause a rift in the future.” She goes on to recommend to have a counsellor on call. She adds, “As we visit a dentist for a routine check-up why can’t we visit a therapist to check if everything is working fine or no. By no means that’s going to create a dependency on the therapist, which many people assume.”

Pros and cons of seeking help from a counsellor

Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal believes that it’s better to seek help than brush things under the carpet. The more you neglect a problem, the bigger it gets, ultimately it becomes the elephant in the room that cannot be ignored. Rather than wait for that to happen, it makes sense to take stock of things and veer away from getting into troubled waters. Hemant goes on to list the pros and cons of approaching a counsellor and suggests approaching one with an open mind.

Pros

A counsellor can work as a one point place to release all negativity that has been troubling one for some time. Regular follow-up helps keep the negativity quotient low.

New ideas and new relationship goals can be defined in the presence of a professional.

He or she can also help you and your partner accept the rigid personality traits, which otherwise one might find difficult to digest.

Cons

Trying to explain to oneself and people why you are so “different” and look to seek professional help when all seems fine. This is especially applicable in an Indian set-up where professional help is a taboo.

In the end, it’s better to stay on the side of caution. And if having a counsellor on call can fix a problem before it rears its ugly head, it makes sense to have one on call.