Confessions of a First-time Mother: An Emotional Rollercoaster

Motherhood and impending motherhood for me introduced a variety of emotions over a relatively short timeframe. The navarasas, I'd call it! It began with anxiety while peeing on the stick, went on to excitement at the conclusion of the first trimester and then the whole 'why me' disgust at nausea, then the lethargy and frustration at sleeplessness, the pain of labour and the unadulterated joy at finally holding in your hands the little creature that lived within. It doesn't stop at that! There is postpartum depression, guilt at not being a breastfeeding expert, guilt of snapping at the spouse and extended family, and the sheer exhaustion that comes from months of erratic or no sleeping.
I worried at every weigh in, every rash, and every strange coloured stool. I googled every little thing and exasperated my baby's pediatrician by assuming the worst with the baby.  Every development milestone was tracked on calendars and agonizing hours were spent figuring out why little Atharva wasn't rolling or teething or crawling or standing as per the dates indicated on babycenter.com or what not. There is joy and pride when your infant sniffs you out, lunges for you every time you are in the vicinity and chuckles and gurgles at your silly poems and utters his first words... Mama. Then comes the joy!

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