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A personal choice, not a trend

Being an optimist, I hope to see a better future for those who’ve been waiting for a long time. For other people in this dilemma, do not lose hope. It is time now to bring change

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For the most part of my teenage years till my early 20s, I was unaware of the LGBT community or what homosexuality meant. But from an early age I knew I was not like the other boys and my interests were different from the guys I grew up around. As I had a couple of friends with whom I was always happy, I did not think too much of my different identity.

It was during my third year of graduation that I started paying attention towards my sexuality and began questioning myself about the feelings I had. Fearing that I would be ousted from college, there was no one I could talk to. Anyway, I finished college and when I began working, I started getting out more often and discovering the community. I started growing more confident about myself and my gayness. Till then, I had never come out to anyone as I feared the consequences.

Coming out required a major preparation of sorts. I had thought of many ways to come out to my mother. However, I first came out to very close friends, who were pretty cool about it and that gave me the confidence to come out to my Amma.

I wrote an emotionally loaded letter to Amma, which I carried around with me from June to December. Finally on December 9, 2013, I handed the letter to her, as she kept asking me questions like why I don’t want to get married. The word ‘gay’ was written somewhere in the middle, but she somehow read that word first. The mix of emotions that just came through her was huge. We stayed up all night and spoke about everything; dad was asleep in the next room. But mum was not convinced... for the next two years! We had our ups and downs and the subject would come up any time, which would lead to discussions about our family, the society, etc. She also did her own research about the LGBT community and even wrote a letter to a known psychiatrist associated with a leading newspaper, telling him about my situation. He explained to her that it was okay for her son to be gay. He hadn’t chosen it, but was born that way. That’s when she accepted my sexuality with open arms. Now I am more open to her than I was before. I don’t have to go through marriage proposals any more. I have not yet come out to my dad and other members of my family; and as of now I choose not to.

What I realised is that when breaking it to your loved ones, they too have to come to terms with it. Hence, giving them time and educating them about this part of your life is very important. Time does make it better. Never lose hope, even in a country like India, where we still follow an archaic law.

I have come across many saddening stories, which just make me angry. At least people in cities fight for their rights in their own way. Those in smaller towns and villages have a much harder time. Being an optimist, I hope to see a better future for those who’ve been waiting for a long time. For other people in this dilemma, do not lose hope. It is time now to bring change.

(Jitesh U is a 32-year-old who works at a leading travel firm in Mumbai)

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