Book review: 'The Ultimate Book Of Sex'

Book: The Ultimate Book Of Sex
Author: Dr Rajan Bhonsle, MD and Dr Minnu Bhonsle, MD
Publisher: Jaico Publishing House
Pages: 314
Price: Rs 295

Doctors Rajan Bhonsle (RB) and Minnu Bhonsle (MB) have worked in the fields of human sexuality and mental health for two decades. They both strongly believe that sex education — still an uncomfortable topic in India — can prevent sexual exploitation, sexual crimes, dysfunctions and diseases.

The Ultimate Book Of Sex, authored by them, attempts to educate readers about the physiology and psychology of human sexuality. It is meant for the reference of adult sex-educators as well as for those adults who seek to educate themselves. It discusses social, behavioural, relational and even legal aspects of human sexuality.

The Bhonsles feel that value-based, age-appropriate and culture-specific sex education is the only way to address issues like sexual molestation in childhood, the turbulence of attaining puberty, the trauma of an unwanted pregnancy, the horror of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or the psychological impact of pornography. Their book endeavours to do just that keeping in mind the sensibilities of all communities/groups/schools of thought in India without compromising on the scientific accuracy of the subject. Excerpts from an interview.

What prompted you to write this book?
RB & MB: We firmly believe that sexual ignorance, sexual exploitation, sexual crimes, sexual dysfunctions and sexual diseases can all be prevented through sex education.

Even the most educated and forward-looking people avoid discussing sex education. As a result, society suffers.

Parents and teachers hesitate to provide sex education to children who are being pounded with sexual messages everywhere they look — from newspapers, magazines, television and films, to public toilet walls. Their young minds are more vulnerable to these corrupt messages as they are rarely prepared with healthy and legitimate information about sex and sexuality. This interferes with their development towards mature and healthy adulthood.

How common is sex education in schools and homes in India today?
RB & MB: The question is not whether sex education should be given or not, but how best to give this education, what exactly is to be taught, when, at what age, how to impart it, and finally who should teach it.

Unfortunately, value-based sex education to encourage responsible sexual behaviour with gender sensitisation, is still rare in India. Over the last two decades, since we began work in the field of human sexuality and mental health, we have slowly been able to create awareness and de-stigmatise sex education. Teachers and school counsellors are now coming forward to train themselves to help create more sexually responsible citizens.

In an age where one is bombarded with information, is it possible for the youth to avoid getting misleading information?
RB: It may not be possible to completely restrict access to misleading information off the Internet by pre-teens and teens. However, parents and teachers can impart correct sex education at that curious stage when one’s emerging sexuality compels one to find out everything there is to know about human sexuality. Our book is an endeavour in that direction. The entire family can use it as a sex education manual for any age group for scientifically accurate information covering the biological and psychological components of human sexuality.

If the government takes a policy decision to block pornographic sites in our country, it can go a long way to prevent further exposure to the uncensored, perverted, unnatural and criminal aspects of human sexuality.

Would you advise teenagers to not have sex before the age of 18 even if by mutual consent?
MB: While we may encourage teenagers to postpone intercourse, the present reality is that some young people are tempted to become sexually active when their hormones are raging. If you lose your virginity to someone with whom you have ‘casual sex’ you might lose out on the beauty and joy of ‘sharing intimacy’ in a mutually loving, caring and committed relationship. This is something that cannot be undone.

The age where boys and girls lose their virginity is much lower today. High school kids are found engaging in sex. At this age and stage of their life, neither are their minds nor their bodies ready for the repercussions of such sexual relating. Teenage pregnancy is a physically and psychologically traumatic consequence of sexual engagement at an early age, the scars of which remain forever. Therefore, we strongly discourage the same.

With talk of making pornography a non-bailable offence, do you think this is a step in the right direction?
RB: Extensive research all across the world has proven that pornography undoubtedly adversely affects one’s psyche and one’s sexual behaviour, and in turn one’s relationship with the other gender. Moreover, pornographic viewing artificially excessively heightens sexual arousal and that has led to many sexual crimes in the world.

Therefore, it would be a correct step to make pornography a non-bailable offense as it would discourage the production, sale and exhibiting of such pornographic material, thus restricting the viewing of the same. If possessing pornography in any format is also made punishable by law, there would naturally be less circulation of the same.

How important is pre-marriage counselling for couples today?
MB: It is the need of the day with divorce cases on the rise. We have advocated the same for the last two decades. The number of couples coming for pre-marital counselling is definitely increasing. In fact, parents often refer young couples for counselling if they observe that the relationship seems to be conflict-ridden. Couples who come in for sex education are also on the rise. They come to discuss some apprehensions and seek accurate knowledge. Marriages will begin on a healthy note if you seek pre-marital counselling. It is better to be counselled today than to have regrets tomorrow.