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ShareThe loss of a beloved partner, coping with dementia or socialising with peers. Mumbai's seniors are embracing group therapy to heal themselves, to let it all just hang out, finds Kareena N Gianani
Mohan Shelkar wipes his glasses with his shirt and adjusts them carefully. "It all ended in a flash -- the parties, playing billiards at the club while my wife chatted with her friends, my middle-aged children joining us for birthdays and anniversaries... life came to an abrupt halt after my wife's demise three years ago and I had nowhere to go."
Shelkar, 76, struggled with his loneliness. All efforts to reach out to his children (living in the US) were in vain. Busy with their careers and families, they were not aware of his need. Moreover, age-related physical problems were beginning to manifest themselves.
His eyesight deteriorated and the pain caused by arthritis made him irritable. Soon, depression set in as he restlessly shuttled between Mumbai and the US. "I went into a shell. My wife had been the extrovert. Her absence left a gaping hole in my life."
Shelkar decided to seek help for depression and his psychologist suggested group therapy. He remembers being reticent at his first session. "Here I was, hurt and frustrated, dropped in the midst of rather animated peers." Three weeks into the sessions, Shelkar's life changed for the better.
It started with an outpouring of pent-up sorrow and trauma. He talks about the day he cried "like a baby". The session started off and a member brought up the film Baghban. "I am glad I cried. You know, I never imagined that just being able to talk to people my age could rid me of chronic depression. Group therapy is the best thing that happened to me."
A large number of seniors are now taking recourse to group therapy to heal themselves. The sessions work for anyone, says Dr Anjali Chhabria, a consultant psychiatrist who conducts sessions. "It is reassuring when others in the group identify with them and suggest a way out," she says.
Letting it all hang out seems to be a phenomenon that older people are getting used to. Aruna Prakash, a volunteer at the group therapy sessions conducted by Dr Chhabria, says, that it's the disappearance of the joint family that has fuelled the need for seniors to reach out to others. "Nuclear families shut out seniors and they became isolated. Not many can go to their children and admit that they need attention and love, that they can't cope. The relative anonymity of a group of strangers is a boon."
There are different kinds of therapy groups. Some groups, says Dr Chhabria, are formed for people to meet up and socialise while others deal with specific psychological problems and invite doctors, social workers and even actors to speak on various issues like depression, retirement and loss of a spouse.
Some group therapy sessions deal with degenerative disorders that come with age like Alzheimer's. Walk into the Dignity Dementia Care and you will see about 15 members struggling to cope with memory loss.
The room resembles a playschool with activity and colouring books and building blocks strewn around. Amita Manjrekar reaches out for one, and proudly holds it up after ten minutes for all to see. Ask her if she likes painting as much and she replies that lunch wasn't as good as the day before. The sessions begin with music.
64-year-old Aniruddha Dutta's eyes light up as he tries his best to match steps with the music. Lucy, who is coping with minor dementia, whispers, "Dutta used to play the mouth organ beautifully. It's been two years since Alzheimer's set in. Though he understands our requests, he cannot play any more."
Some with advanced stage of dementia do not participate. Like Ashwin Lalwani who spends the five hours merely walking around the room while others exercise, pray, sing and listen to music.
Neha Shah, manager at Dignity Foundation, says, "We help members to remain active and it has helped slow down the deterioration process to a great extent." She points out 97-year-old Maneck Treasurywalla who has shown excellent resistance to the spread of dementia and regularly edits the foundation's monthly magazine.
Group therapy also benefits caregivers -- family members either living with or regularly visiting an ailing relative. Dr YA Matcheswalla, a psychiatrist at Masina Hospital, started the Dilasa group that conducts group therapy for seniors who are caregivers of mentally ill and rehabilitated individuals.
"Caregivers undergo severe trauma, and it is essential that they do not breakdown." Khorshed Lal, a caregiver who attends Dignity Foundation's sessions, says it helped change her attitude towards her mother.
"She suffers from Alzheimer's and I spent years getting irritatable, thinking she was just being difficult. Therapy made me understand her -- it made me accept that my erstwhile spirited mother will never be the same again. And it taught me to not be too hard on myself. I am a much better caregiver and a more understanding daughter today," she smiles.
Some names have been changed on request.
For details on group therapy sessions, contact Dr YA Matcheswalla at 9820081884, Dr Anjali Chhabria at 26289792 and Dignity Foundation
at 23805645
