Rainbow Guru: Sushant Divgikar on dealing with homophobic parents

Hi Sushant, I am a bisexual woman from Jaipur, settled in Toronto. My brother, who is eight years younger to me, recently came out. When he tried telling our mother, she advised him not to talk about it in front of our father. She said as I was in another country it was okay, but in India it’s not. How can I explain to them that they cannot subject him to living in the closet all his life? Are there any parent support groups that can counsel my parents and brother? 
— Ms Homophobic Parents

Hi there Ms Homophobic
Parents,

Talking about the scenario in India, it’s not as bad as some people make it look like, but yes, we need to really up the game when it comes to equal rights and sensitise masses about the same.

I know you’re probably worried about your baby brother, but don’t be! He seems to be strong because he has already gathered the courage and will to tell you and your mother. The bitter truth is that not every parent is going to react in the most rosy way when their child comes out to them (although every parent should accept their child the way s/he is).

Your mother is probably worrying about what people will say or do if they know that her son is gay. A lot of parents do this — worry about what people will say! Honestly, how does it matter what people will say? That is your child! He wants your love and your acceptance, not that of everyone else’s. This clearly shows that she doesn’t love him any less, but is just bothered too much about other people’s opinions around her.

A counsellor can talk to your mom and make her understand that shunning your child’s identity, in whichever country, is not going to change it or make him any less gay and her any less/more his parent.

The Humsafar Trust in Mumbai and Delhi has some awesome counsellor with an absolutely warm and welcoming team. There is a parent support group formed by Sridhar Rangyan and parents of LGBT children (my parents are a part of this group too!). The support group helps other parents who are going through unnecessary turmoil while coming to terms with their child’s orientation, sexuality and gender identity. You can contact both directly through their Facebook pages.

The kids today have so many people they can go to for help. People are even talking about themselves more openly these days and it’s wonderful.

I hope you write back with amazing news about your experience with the support groups super soon.

Toodles and much love!

Write to him at sexualitydna@gmail.com