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ShareIt all began with President Hu Jintau calling Commander Yu Jixun for an emergency meeting. After the initial confusion over the question "Hu are Yu?" followed by "I am Yu to meet Hu!" the meeting started with Hu confessing to Yu about how he's fascinated by Indian politicians. "They spring into action, storm movie halls and force someone to apologise in public over an inconsequential error," he said. "But I wonder why they didn't spring into action, storm those hotels on 26/11, release those hostages and force a public apology out of those terrorists?"
Yu pointed out that most Indian politicians aren't as deeply offended by terrorism as they are by movies."Indian politicians are smart," said Yu. "They know they can't risk taking on terrorists or the underworld but they can easily bring a harmless individual to his knees and feel heroic! They know their limitations -- they can't solve any of the common man's real problems -- and prefer creating imaginary problems about name, language, history or geography."
Hu's worried. "Do you realise what will happen if India becomes a bigger power and invades China?" he asked. "Their politicians will mingle with our politicians and give them ideas. What if tomorrow there is a demand that Beijing be renamed as Dadu? That's what the Mongols used to call this city, remember?"
Yu nodded and said, "It's a frightening scenario, sir. Their politicians will show our politicians how easy it is to get Jackie Chan to say sorry by throwing a few stones at a movie hall in Hong Kong. They will teach our politicians the power of being offended and how to blame their vandalism on the spontaneous reaction of the man on the street."
Thus Hu and Yu agreed that it was imperative China intimidate India with its military might. After all, it's bad enough that India had corrupted Chinese cuisine with something called Veg Manchurian.
But just as Hu and Yu ended the meeting, they got another message from Mumbai -- someone had taken offence to the wrong spelling of Inglourious Basterds and demanded a public apology from Quentin Tarantino!
