Column

Man Town has a deadly new virus doing the rounds and it’s afflicting all kinds. The sharpshooters, the Neanderthals, the Greek gods and the Geek Gawds are all coming out into the open with it with devout conviction and frankly, it has us girls are worried.

Welcome to Commitmentphobia!

Detailed research and primary studies by dedicated members of the female tribe have thrown up some interesting findings and yet more puzzling questions to this new-age male-dy . . . .

How to Spot One - The Symptoms
Commitmentphobics don’t have any demonstrable physical or demographic attributes that set them apart from normal guys so they are tough to spot at first go. However, on finer examination, Commitmentphobics display overwhelming workaholicism and a somewhat dispassionate approach to life. Their materialistic cravings are minimal or non-existent. That means no Ferrari fantasies, Zegna wardrobes, or PS3 addictions. They are driven only by their work and more often than not, they also have at least one admirable altruistic life goal; save the ozone layer, save the whales, save the country, take your pick.

Their extreme emotional self-reliance is another tell-tale sign. These people may have a diverse set of social acquaintances, but close friends are far and few (think one in Liverpool and one in Lodhi Gardens).

When it comes to the dating and mating game, they are sparkling conversationalists and surefooted to a fault. They also have a quiet reserved charm which can be quite lethal when unleashed on unsuspecting members of the female species. Until the women bites the bait, they pursue (albeit NEVER too obviously) and woo diligently. However, once the die is cast the pursuer suddenly turns into the pursued with some deft footwork that leaves even the smartest female dumfounded. “You’re my idea of the perfect companion” turns into “I’m really busy working tonight, can’t call honey”.

The Contagion
Commitmentphobia is a unique carrier disease where the person with the infliction never suffers but the people who he comes in contact with always react violently. Idealistic and independent women hung up on the idea of love are usually the worst hit. These women are usually characterised by professional success, financial independence and emotional vulnerability.

The Causes
Much as we serious analysts hate clichés, ALL these men have serious family issues (Oh Freud, why are you ALWAYS so right?). The proverbial apron strings are most often the invisible puppet strings on which these men dangle, all the while thinking themselves to be gloriously independent and alone.

Further, since we live in times of acute SMS (Superior Men Shortage) these men find it relatively easy to get into successive relationships with a string of rather nice women with the philosophy of Wine, Dine, Will You Be My Concubine. The minute things start getting serious however, they are able to extricate themselves from the relationship and smoothly sail on to the next. Basically, love means never having to say “I do”.

The Cure
Just like snakebite, in this case too, the antidote lies within the problem. The single largest reason why Commitmentphobics are growing and thriving today is women! Women with low self-esteem consciously or sub-consciously seek out men they can’t have/keep because they think that’s all they are worth. Such women thus encourage Commitmentphobics to multiply at an alarming rate.

So women, as a final conclusion to this study, please do yourselves a favour and STOP DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVES!

deblina@dnaindia.net