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ShareWatching boys with smooth faces grow into strapping youths and girls morph post puberty, leads one to wonder: In this age of fast living and even faster thinking, when do youngsters start 'thinking' about the opposite gender and their own bodies? And as a corollary to this, when should we, as parents, warn growing offspring about which touches are acceptable and which, a no-no?
A friend in Jaipur mentioned a rumour which had done the rounds a while ago, about the head of the department of an educational institution inviting young boys to his home on the pretext of helping with their projects. Since no complaints were made, no action could be taken. Yet, it was noticed that very few students went back to him for help.
The buzz naturally went on for a while and one wondered why no plaint was made to the authorities. It may have remained a buzz purely on account of the fear factor -- fear of being penalised in school for speaking out against authority and the fear of being admonished at home for doing something wrong.
When asked about teens becoming aware of their growing sexuality, psychiatrist, Dr Harish Shetty said "Sexuality is about womb to tomb...where physical arousal begins as early as 11-13 years old, though love, compassion and sharing begins much earlier."
I perhaps represent many voices when I ask, how does one educate a teen that a particular touch is good and another one bad?
How must an embrace of congratulation from a teacher/an adult who is not a parent/grandparent be interpreted? What if a doctor takes longer than required for an examination?
Dr Shetty opines, "Teens need not be educated to the extent that they get over cautious and lose the ability to love. Yet 'one cardinal rule' is any uncomfortable touch from anyone is a bad touch. And when kids share such info, they should not be admonished. Also, any touch at the erotic zones is denoted as a bad touch. Discussing sex or using titillating phrases inappropriately is also a warning sign of things that may happen ahead."
Though in real life we do worry more when we hire domestic servants or drivers who have to take care of kids, places that are largely considered safe and sacrosanct are our educational institutions. The teacher-student relationship is indeed as a sacred one. And yet as New Delhi's Mirambika case a few years ago showed, propriety can be breached even in portals of learning.
Here are examples of a few potentially dangerous situations for a child:
With a close relative who insists on sleeping next to, or touching the child.
With any adult alone, for a long time without sufficient reason and with dislike.
In a vehicle alone with an adult who wants to sit very close.
On the road with someone who 'accidentally' touches.
Even at the risk of being termed a worrier or an overly cautious parent, my cardinal rule is 'In the slightest doubt, steer clear of a risky situation. After all, it is better to be safe than sorry'
It is a truism that is re-inforced by news about teen violence and killings.
