Memory loss

Stepping into this restaurant is like being attacked by some giant deja vu monster. Actually, it just looks like it looks the same as some earlier refurbishment. Because actually it has changed hands, names and positioning several times in its long life. This I suppose is an achievement that you can be different and yet look the same. Maybe it is because it has gone back to the same mural artist who has replaced Bob Dylan and so on with Angelina Jolie, Aishwarya Rai and sundry other major stars from Holly and Bolly.

Maybe it is because sizzlers and steaks are prominent on the menu.

Or maybe I have just been there too many times and there’s a reason why I haven’t been there for many years.

To walk into an empty eaterie after 8 pm, even in fast-paced Mumbai is a bit disconcerting. Then to have six people come and ask you if you want regular or mineral water and give you neither for 15 minutes is mildly irritating. Then to order two simple drinks — dark rum and vodka — and have it confirmed three times without any sign of them is a bit annoying. Then to be told by a fourth person that there is no ordinary vodka because “it is not available” is a bit annoying. And you know it’s a con because the ordinary vodka is sold at every shop and every bar and permit room in the city. (There is no shortage of Smirnoff currently says my regular wine shop). This is strange because while I am used to the Old Monk con (have written about it often enough and to be fair not being practised at Cafe Royal), the Smirnoff Red one is a new variation. Of course, all expensive and imported varieties of vodka were available. This is just one more way in which diners in this city are taken for a ride.

The reason why I’m writing more about this than anything else is that there is very little to say about the food. The restaurant started to fill up by about nine, which is when the music started. Some good jazz standards which hugely irritated rock chick, who was already irritated by the fact that there was no ordinary Smirnoff and she was drinking plain Thums Up.

There was no fondue either, although it was there on the menu and sounded good. So we ordered chilly beef on skewers and pepper prawns for starters. The prawns were in a Chinese-style pepper-garlic sauce, not too bad. The chilly beef was too drowned in barbeque sauce to make a name for itself.

Rock chick ordered a Salisbury Steak, which was a hamburger steak sizzler. The hamburger cutlet was finely herbed and spiced and since she asked for the sauce on the side, it was not overwhelmed by dozens of flavours.

My sirloin steak with mushroom jus and parsley potatoes was less successful. The meat was a bit tough in spite of being medium rare and there was not a sprig of parsley in sight.
The piece de resistance was the chocolate walnut brownie with ice cream. Moist, fresh chopped walnuts, the right amount of crumbliness, a good chocolate feel without being overpowering. Delicious.

This is the sort of place which is good for a quick sandwich and sizzler. It’s not cheap but it is adequate.

Café Royal
166, Indian Mercantile Mansion, Opposite Regal Cinema, Mumbai 400 001
Tel: 22883982/83/84/85

Rating: **

Meal for two (without alcohol): Rs1,500