Column

I want to go and see this Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na movie. Not because hero has these sweet droopy eyes and doesn’t totally look like a shallow beefcake or because the movie promises a trip down memory lane with a St. Xavier’s College backdrop, and its alumni as cast and crew. Nope, it’s the wonderful Bollywood tradition of profound-sounding taglines (almost always in English) that follow the title. (Remember Daag-The Fire anyone?). But this one really set me thinking, “So when do you know its love?”

When do any of us know it’s the ‘real’ deal anyway? The movies have always known how to spot true love. It’s usually a dazzling cusp moment when all the quips, the confusions (and sometimes the zippers) just fall away and love stands revealed in all its primal glory. Yash uncle taught us, “uparwala tumhein ek ishara dega aur tumhara dil samajh jayega” and we nodded in agreement and waited for an SRK/Madhuri prototype to traipse into our lives. And for the Bollywood agnostics there was always Clint Eastwood’s belief that “this kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime” once he met his Midwest dreamgal Meryl “Francesca” Streep in Bridges of Madison County. For the more cynical types you could always fall back on funny man Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan of the poufy hair and fake orgasm who were convinced that friendship and sex didn’t mix . . . until they mixed it! And for the existentialists who look upon happy endings with scorn and suspicion there is Wong Kar Wai who puts us on a train to 2046 to recapture our lost memories. (Please note that this masterpiece is not to be confused with Love Story 2050 which looks more like a train ride to a Scary Movie sequel shoot!)

But the plot seems a bit more convoluted among us mere mortals since the watersheds aren’t that obvious, recognisable or even valid anymore. The quintessential “I love you” has become “I love you but”, the first kiss has gone from a magic moment to a drunken tragic moment and the soulmate has bowed out to the ****buddies according to news dailies. As for the love and sex equation, that’s given the chicken-and-egg conundrum a run for its money, since no one is sure what’s supposed to come first, what’s supposed to last, whether it’s about the moment or forever, and whether power or pleasure is the real lever of the equation.

More often than not the relationship routine ends up in a coffee-drinks-dinner-petting-sex-and-now-what cul de sac. Modern-day sexual politics plays a big spoiler here. Women armed with their SATC-style independence are trying to walk the thin line between hedonist and whore while men just play till they get exhausted, simply because they can. Even when either of them isn’t expressly out for just a toss in the shack, the combination of bad breakups in the past, problem of plenty in the present and hazy view of the future turns the simple road to love into an obstacle race. And woe betide you add any other complexity to the situation viz. religion, money, divorce, geography etc and we’re second-guessing the morbid ways of fate and time till doomsday comes. Love in the meanwhile has crept into the corner and gone into hiding under the cupboard!

So what’s going wrong? Are we looking out for the wrong signs? Or does the whole thunder and lightning thing really happen? Maybe we’re all just human tornadoes spinning on our own axes oblivious to the subtle moments of connect that pass through our lives. Maybe we just need to slow down a bit.

Or go to sleep completely and wake up to find an arm wrapped protectively around us. And know that there can be no better sign.
deblina@dnaindia.net