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Another idol turned out to have feet of clay. Another relationship bit the dust. And another smart single girl in another big bustling city let out a wail of frustration. Wasn’t there one man somewhere in this morass of 7 billion people that somewhat resembled, say . . . . .umm . . . . SRK’s Rahul in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? “That’s my problem; I’m too fed on the fantasy of movies, maybe there will never be a man in real life quite like they make ‘em in the movies,” she sighed over the phone as I nodded assiduously in agreement and started thinking about dream men.

I am sure all of us have a secret stash of totem poles against whom every hapless mortal we meet are subconsciously measured against and discarded. Mine for instance is Clark Gable playing Rhett Butler in Gone With The Wind. The perfect blend of a rogue and gentleman, who knew AND loved every devious, scheming, selfish bit of Scarlett O’ Hara. Who wouldn’t want a man like that, even if he left her with the most memorable line in movie history; who cares a damn? Another close contender is Clint Eastwood’s character, the romantic lone-ranger and photographer Robert
Kincaid, in Bridges of Madison County.

When I began checking with friends and colleagues the answers were even more revealing and delightful. They ranged from Count Laszlo d’Almásy from The English Patient and Jean Benoit Aubéry from Frenchman’s Creek (“What to do darling, that’s my trope; I just seem to like men who leave at the end!”) to George Clooney’s charming and careless dad act as Jack Taylor in One Fine Day (“He was sooooo gorgeous!”) to good ol’ Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice (“I love his confidence; somewhat arrogant yet kind.”).

Even the fantasy women covered a whole range, from Fountainhead’s Dominique Françon (“I think I have a thing for ice princesses!”) to Julia Robert’s movie star turn as Anna Scott in Notting Hill (“The simple side to an extraordinary woman; and who can do it better than Julia?”).

As I joined the dots to these diverse inputs from very diverse people from across ages, sexes, socio-economic strata and even sexualities, two things became evidently clear. All our dream partners have flaws; big ones and we love them despite, or in cases because of them. So for all the schoolmarms who chide and scoff at notions of Mr and Ms Right saying that no one is that perfect in real life, I think the truth is that, alas no one is so romantically imperfect in real life and that’s the real woe.

And more importantly, man or woman, young or old, we all love the chase! Notice every single character I mentioned; every single drool-worthy idol is somewhat unattainable and that sexual tension, that friction is the real lubricant between man-woman relationships. As long as the ending is fruitful, the chase is what we all really crave.

Unfortunately real life never quite gets the fine balance of chase and conquest quite right. Either we get something we somewhat-want-but-not-quite too easily and eventually lose interest, or are caught up in the chase of a mirage which more often than not ends in tears, alcohol, cynicism and for girls, late-night DVD marathons of Sex and the City!
So, yes they may be fanciful and yes they may prove impossible to achieve in reality but I still vote ‘aye’ for movie-style lovers because, in Robert Kincaid’s words, “The old dreams were good dreams. Some of them didn’t work out, but I am sure glad I had them anyway.”

deblina@dnaindia.net