Column

The Hangover is a hugely funny film about three guys who wake up from a night of drinking in their Las Vegas hotel suite to find a tiger in their bathroom, a baby in the closet, their friend missing and absolutely no memory of what happened the previous night! It might be an incredible coincidence but unreliable sources insist that Hillary Clinton went through a similar experience during her recent visit to Mumbai!

Hillary’s troubles started the day after she arrived in Mumbai and woke up in her Taj Mahal suite to find a Nano car in her bathroom, a statue of Mayawati in the closet, a tooth lying on the couch – and no recollection of what happened the previous night. She sat down with a pen and paper and tried hard to think.

For starters, she remembered being in the cockpit of an Air India flight to Mumbai after its crew jumped out in mid-air as a mark of protest against non-payment of salary. So Hillary tried to land the aircraft but missed the airport by miles due to poor visibility and faulty landing lights – and ended up taxiing down Western Express Highway.

Then she vaguely recalled running into the path of a brand new Nano and asking for a lift from its reluctant owner, who quickly learnt that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. For, the owner of the country’s first Nano soon found himself taking a taxi home while the US Secretary of State hijacked his car – which she later drove straight down the Taj lobby, into the lift and parked it in her bathroom!

An hour later, Hillary had her first visitor. It was Mayawati, who brought along a statue of herself as a gift, but admitted that she’s run out of space in Uttar Pradesh and would like this one to be put up beside the Statue of Liberty in New York!

Hillary had trouble remembering her last visitors for the day – Dr Manmohan Singh and Yousuf Raza Gilani, who insisted on pulling out his tooth as a demonstration of his commitment towards eradicating terrorism from Pakistan and peace with India.

As the Pakistani PM started pulling out his tooth, Hillary Clinton passed out at the sight of blood. The last thing she heard before losing consciousness was the Indian PM saying, “That’s a false tooth and some ketchup! Wake up, America! Stop acting so naive!”