The unsettling journey of being 'well-settled'

It was during a conversation with a female friend that this came up — the incidental pressure a young male member of the family faces, once he enters his late teens to 'become Man of the House'. We were talking about a mutual friend, an engineer who was earning decently but was so passionate about becoming a writer, he sat up all night taking an online course. That's when she remarked how relatively easier it had been for her to choose her own career path as opposed to men.

Another similar situation popped up when a neighbour's son wanted to pursue a career in films. The father, a traditional Sindhi businessman, was against it and packed off his son to the US for MBA. He's doing well for himself, in one of those 'settled' jobs, but wouldn't he have been happier pursuing what he wanted to?

It made me look back at my own life through a different lens. I cleared my tenth exams in 1993 followed by a Bachelors in Commerce degree. I loved cricket, even played at college level. But then, one has to earn money so I chose the one profession that I thought could earn me the most money (at the time) — Chartered Accountancy. And I failed at it.

Next came the other default choice — MBA. I didn't fail this time, in fact I did quite well — Advertising and Finance came naturally to me. However, I didn't get selected by one of the biggest agencies that was visiting the campus because I hadn't shaved for the interview.

It was as if unknowingly, I was feeling that unsaid pressure to take over the 'responsibilities' and pursue careers that I wasn't interested in because they were the more lucrative options. After all, isn't the sure-fire way to bejewel a young man's marital resume with the words 'well settled'. The perpetrators of said pressure are usually parents and in some cases even relatives, especially in business households. It is assumed that the son will eventually take over the responsibility of the house. Though nothing is said overtly, it's always just there.

Destiny allowed me one more 'failure' when I quit my marketing job and settled for something that allowed me freedom to stay unshaven and many other 'uns'. Fortunately, I had parents and family that allowed me those career jumps till I found something that comes naturally to me.

Today, I am a freelance writer and film maker. I am nearing 40 but I still don't feel qualified for the 'Man of the House' job. I guess it's one of those bridges you just cross when you have to.

They say one of the greatest changes of our generation has been seeing women as an earning, equal contributor. Around the same time, we have witnessed a large number of 'well-settled' men turn in their professional hats to pursue their calling.

Perhaps being 'well-settled' was not such a worthy goal to pursue after all.

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