Rainbow guru: My family wants me to get married, please tell me how to come out of the closet

Dear Sushant,
I am a final year student from IIT (ISM). I have known my sexuality from an early age, and later when I joined BTech, it became even clearer and I accepted it. I even came out to my close friends, and I’m happy that most of them accepted me and are quite supportive as well. But now my family and relatives are pressurising me for marriage. I belong to a small town, and it seems difficult to make them understand. Please guide me as to how I should come out of the closet to them.
Mr Small Town Guy

Hello, hello Mr Small
Town Guy!
Let me start by saying how proud I am of you for realising, acknowledging and accepting your sexuality at such a young age. You have won half the battle, all by yourself.

In a country like ours, coming out is usually a long and tedious journey for most people. We are more often than not told, and sometimes forced, to adhere to a heteronormative way of life — blissfully ignoring the fact that alternative sexualities have been a part of our ‘culture’ for centuries.

From what I can gather, you have worked hard to educate yourself and made yourself a person that will, by all means, be self-sufficient. The cherry on top is that you have awesome, loving and caring friends.

About coming out to your immediate and extended family, it really doesn’t matter whether you are from a small town or fancy metro. There are a lot of cases wherein parents of LGBT children from big towns have not accepted them and their life choices. There have also been a lot of parents from smaller towns with a much broader perspective, for whom loving their child unconditionally is more important than judging or shunning them for something they have absolutely no control over.

If your family loves you unconditionally, they will accept your life choices and love you for what you are, the way you are. You may be underestimating their love and acceptance considering you have never spoken to them out of fear.

First try talking to someone you are close to in your family. See how they react and then maybe that family member could back you when you decide to speak with the more difficult family members. Begin by striking a conversation and see how things transpire. After that, if there’s anything I can help you with, you can always write to me again.

Lotsa love!

(Mr Gay India 2014, Sushant Divgikar is your counsellor, guide and conscience through the waters of sexuality)

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Write to him at sexualitydna@gmail.com