Killing ‘mardaangi’

No Fems”, “No Sissies”, “Panzies”, “I need a man ROFL”, “Only straight acting please” read a ‘Sapiosexual’s’ profile on a gay dating site. Sapiosexual is biologically a male and always on heat. He doesn’t have a name. He becomes “Rahul” or the more fashionable “Neil” to the ones he beds in his manly ways.

Sapiosexual essentially means getting sexually excited by a person’s intellect. But his profile was all but that. Many of his daters and maters in not the whole gay world but holier- than-thou-part of the gay world noticed the same. What failed to catch their attention was “no fems”, “no sissies”. Well, why would they notice that. It is like noticing that you breathe. No one does that shit.

AlphaMale is another profile. He has a face. And a cute dimple that is deeper than the pothole on a Mumbai highway during the falling of the paaus. But he is flaunting his little baby fat as muscles instead. He was cute, I met him. He made every attempt to make himself feel like he was the next macho dude in town. He cleverly hides the depth of his dimples with a fake hoarse noise. In bed, he is not alpha male. In looks he isn’t either. But that’s the image of himself in his head.

My friend, Rahul (name changed) came out to his parents. His dad accepted him. Rahul was pleasantly surprised. And then, his curious dad asked him “are you the man in the relationship or the woman?” Rahul smiled and said, “dad, man, obviously.” His dad was relieved. Rahul lied, because he thought that his dad would be hurt if he knew that he was actually the receiving partner in a gay relationship. Rahul brushed off this issue completely and started singing his happy coming out song.

I was left wondering — why so ashamed about exploring your feminine side, men? What can be so devastatingly wrong in being a “fem”? What’s so wrong in being pansy? Why is everyone who is effeminate called ‘Karan Johar’, and why is it wrong to be Karan Johar? I like him, rather, I adore him. He doesn’t owe the world a coming out. Some of his films and TV shows have pushed the envelope further for the LGBTIQ movement in his own sweet way through his art and craft.

Why are some gay men afraid of being feminine? Thankfully, in Mumbai at least, I would like to believe that these men are not in a majority, but they make the loudest noise so we assume they are. As far as superiority of the masculine gay men go, I am yet to see one compete with the effeminate DNA columnist, Sushant Divgikar, and win.

Our fight against these stupid concepts of masculinity is going to go on for long. Our fight is not against men. It is against the patriarchal thoughts that percolate deep within our mindset. It is this superior mindset that is to be blamed, that men are somewhat superior than women. That being masculine is an edge over being feminine. There is nothing wrong in being masculine either, as long as you don’t elevate it to the level of patriarchy.

Toh, apne andar ki aurat ko jagaao, baahar dikhaao… aur yeh jhootha moota mardaangi ko maar giraao. Aikla kaa?