Jaago Cinegoer Jaago!, writes Sajid Khan

INT/RESTAURANT/NIGHT

Anand: You know, Aparna, today is very special for me. Aur main hope kar raha hoon ke jab tak dinner khatam ho, tumhare liye bhi utna hi special ho.

Aparna: ‘Humare teen saal ke dating mein aaj pehli baar, you brought me to such an expensive restaurant. Is the occasion what I think it is?’

Anand: ‘Maine kahin suna tha ki ek aam aadmi ki zindagi main teen bade kharche hote hain. Teesra hota hai bacchon ki padhai, dusra hota hai khud ki shaadi aur pehla hota hai…err…err… (starts drinking his wine nervously).

Aparna: Take your time baby, this is a moment we will not forget till our dying day aur tumhare haath main jo chhota sa baksa hai aur uss bakse main jo special cheez hai woh tum mujhe abhi de sakte ho. But only after you ask me what you want to ask me.

Anand: (Downs the entire glass of wine ferociously, musters up courage, goes on his knees and opens the red box showing a beautiful diamond ring)
‘Aparna, will you…

Suddenly, two waiters dressed in white and blue sarees interrupt them by singing ‘Tyaaaaauuuuu, washing powder Nirma, washing powder Nirma, doodh si safedi... Nirma se aaye, rangeen kapda bhi khil khil jaaye, sabki pasand Nirma, washing powder Nirma, NIRMAAAAAA!

Knowing that this will be the moment they will have to remember till their dying day, Aparna and Anand walk off, disgruntled.

Ab yeh kya tha? Definitely, not a scene I am writing in my new script. But a scene which could soon be a reality in our regular lives. Advertising and commercial propaganda have de-sensitised our very existence. It is so deep-rooted in our day-to-day life, that we are compelled to think that it is a part of our life. It’s not! Thoda detail mein samjhaata hoon.

You go to a cinema to watch a movie, you buy the expensive ticket to watch a movie, you buy expensive snacks to enjoy a movie, so why the f**k are you spending your hard-earned money to sit and watch advertisements and commercials? You get enough of them on television, as it is. And the very fact that you are in the cinema means that you have escaped the jaws of commercials on television. 

So why are you being subjected to watching ads? After all, you have paid for the film not the adverts. This doesn’t happen in a restaurant, this doesn’t happen during plays, this doesn’t happen when you go to see a music concert or a circus. This only happens in cinemas. 

Now, this is not some ‘jaago grahak jaago’ kind of a lecture which I am giving y’all. The fact is, just like I explained earlier, advertising and commercial propaganda have de-sensitised our very existence. The revenue of a cinema is through rights of admissions, ie: sale of tickets and sale of refreshments ONLY. They are NOT supposed to show you ads and commercials. 

Now, some multiplexes know this, so out of decency, they bunch up all their ads and play them during intermission time. But that’s only five per cent of cinemas all over the country. Arre baba, do you or don’t you get pissed off when you get weird sales calls from call centres asking you to buy various different products? You do, right?

I know many of ya’ll won’t care about the issue I am trying to address today. So what’s the big deal about watching ads before a film? You are thinking. It is, if you are a movie buff like me. Toh, jaago cinegoer jaago.
 
P. S: Before I sign off, I just want to say that today’s column was sponsored by…hahaha, just kidding!