Indian lessons for Obama

Last week, Barack Obama announced that he’s going to visit India next year. But it’s a decision he took after a long chat with wife Michelle. In fact, she convinced the US President to make the trip, considering he claims to be a great admirer of Gandhiji though it hasn’t really reflected in any of his actions towards the land of the Mahatma.

Michelle told Obama, “There is a lot you can learn from India, dear.” She said this while they were having a dinner of jeera rice and rajma on the White House lawn. “Like what?” he asked. Michelle pointed out that India could teach him a thing or two about money management.

“Do you know how they spent Rs 31 crore on a terrorist of 26/11?” she asked - referring to the state expenditure on keeping Ajmal Kasab alive - and then answered it herself. “By not paying the victims of 26/11!”  She informed Obama that smart people in India manage money by denying those who deserve it to spend it on those who don’t. “They do it everywhere in India - in politics, business, sports, movies!”

Then Michelle drew Obama’s attention to India’s capacity for tolerance. She said, “It’s a country that spends Rs 9 crore on an enquiry commission and waits 17 years  for a report which doesn’t tell them anything that they already didn’t know! And they do it after every major tragedy - making people live on hope for so long that they finally forget what they were hoping for!”

Obama looked impressed. But Michelle had more nuggets of wisdom for her husband. “India has a penchant for reports, dossiers and the written word more than concrete action,” she said. “That’s why India also keeps patiently sending dossier after dossier to Karachi with glaring evidence of Pakistan’s involvement in 26/11. Considering Pakistan ridiculously keeps demanding more proof every day, India has shown exemplary patience by diligently sending a dossier each day — typing it out in different colours, fonts and even in italics to make each of them look different!”

Finally, Michelle also allayed Obama’s fear that India might get into a warlike situation with China. “No way,” she said. “India is smart — it will avoid a direct confrontation with China and instead open several Indian-style Chinese restaurants in Beijing or Shanghai and unleash Veg Manchurian on the Chinese people - thus conquering them with a dish that’s non-existent in their country!”