Imaginary aches are common in elderly

From tackling finicky behaviour to ageing in-laws , psychiatrist Kersi Chavda tells you how you can deal with issues confronting silvers.

My grandmother is 80 years old and very finicky. She keeps washing her hands constantly, even after she hugs us. And, once she goes for a bath she does not come out for hours. We are very worried for her as she doesn’t listen to us. How do we deal with this?
It does seem like there is an element of OCD in her behaviour. I certainly believe she should visit a psychiatrist. And, that appropriate treatment, either in the form of medication or behavioural strategies, be provided to her to cope if she refuses to see a mental health professional.

My mother-in-law is 95 years old and is living with us. But, unlike other old people, she is very difficult to handle. She is hale and hearty, but thinks something or the other is wrong with her. The doctor has told her she is perfectly fine. She wants one of us to stay at home and when she realises that I’m the one at home she starts screaming as if I’m beating her. I just don’t know what she’s trying to do?
I agree this behaviour seems strange. Is it a recent phenomenon or was she always like this? Maybe she feels insecure when there is no one else in the house. Maybe she just does not/ never did get along with you. It would be useful to bring up the behaviour in front of the others in a joking fashion. Something like “now mum can show everyone how well she can scream when the two of us are alone. Somatising is fairly common in this age group. Just agree with/ acknowledge her aches and pains.

I’m 75 years old and live with my son and daughter-in-law. They take very good care of me. But, now I feel my opinions don’t matter to them. My son always consulted me when there was a business decision to make, but now I see he does not find the need to do so. He says that this is my retirement age and I must just sit back and enjoy life. I just feel left out. 
Take it as a compliment to you that you have brought up your son so well so as to be an independent good manager. Yes, it does hurt on occasion if what you say is not paid heed to. Do once in a while suggest laughingly that you are not in your dotage. However, my suggestion is to laugh rather than be angry or hurt.

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