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| Edited By: Birender Ahluwalia |Source: DNA webdesk |Updated: Jan 31, 2016, 07:16 PM IST
If I want to watch a two-minute bioscope of a person’s life, I ask a very simple question. When was the last time you felt really happy? Or an even better question would be, when was the last time you felt immense joy?
After a few predictable moments of modesty, the bioscope begins.
Shoulders relax, the slump is replaced by an earnest leaning forward as they talk of personally meaningful achievements, fitting into an old pair of jeans, going on to become a Zumba or yoga instructor, learning Spanish. Eyes light up when they speak of fulfilling of a dream. It could be the birth or wedding of their child. Realising the lifelong dream of visiting a country. Smiles of relief appear when they talk about paying off your loans and becoming debt free. Sometimes it is the ability to take a loan and purchase a new house or a retirement house. Gestures, eye contact and body language become more animated and present when they narrate poignant stories of a token repayment of a lifelong debt, like taking their parents for their first international holiday.
Some of the most inspirational stories have their beginnings in deep despair. When they were beaten down by fate, people recall digging into their reservoirs of hope. They discovered hidden reservoirs of energy, effort and resourcefulness. The events could range from helping someone cope with a death to achieving a dream.
I work with so many CEOs who came from modest backgrounds, and they along with family and social support transcended their environments to reach the pinnacle of their careers. The best of them wear their achievements with utmost humility.
We encounter stories of everyday heroism. How someone walked out on an abusive relationship. How someone overcame a disability. My favourite story is of Amee Mullins.
It was as if the people had momentarily reached their highest potential. It gives you a very intimate view into the essence of person’s being. You understand the arduous journey the person has made. You get a good measure of the energy the person has left to undertake the next phase of their journey.
Their own stories give them hope. Recalling past victories, wearing their battle scars like medals gives them a sense of courage, wisdom and resilience.
It is a wonder that every person I meet has so many wonderful stories of their own experiences, but then they never use their own stories to spur themselves on.
These stories are a description of what psychologists call PEAK EXPERIENCES, a construct developed by Abraham Maslow, in the 1960s as—
Maslow goes on to describe a peak experience as—
It is the moment where we feel we are in the process of reaching one’s full potential. Peak Experience is not just about nirvana or transcendence. It is not even about the activity, but the feeling of being carefree when performing the activity. It is what you feel at that very moment when time just flows along. It is when you can function with ease, without and concern of discomfort, criticism or self-doubt. It could be simple activities like playing a musical instrument. It could be intense events, like a first kiss, a wedding or the birth of a child.
At that time, your mind opens up to being creative, playful and experimenting. Peak Experience moments could have been fleeting, but the effect lasts a long time. I daresay sometimes changes courses of life.
Now the question is, how do you capture these peak experiences and how do you benefit from them?
Laura King and Chad Burton have done some fascinating series of research studies in the benefits of writing about your peak experiences. In their research, some of the participants were given the following instructions.
“Think of the most wonderful experience or experiences in your life, happiest moments, ecstatic moments, moments of rapture, perhaps from being in love, or from listening to music, or suddenly ‘‘being hit’’ by a book or painting or from some great creative moment. Choose one such experience or moment. Try to imagine yourself at that moment, including all the feelings and emotions associated with the experience. Now write about the experience in as much detail as possible trying to include the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that were present at the time. Please try your best to re-experience the emotions involved.”
This is what one of the participants wrote, “...I had so much adrenaline and excitement in me. I was very nervous before I started the hike, but right when we started one climb up it turned to excitement and I just couldn’t wait to get to the top. Just looking around me as I climbed up was a pure joy because of how beautiful the surroundings were. It was a clear beautiful day and I could see forever in the distance. I could even see mountains in another country (Italy). When I finally got to the top after the long tough walk I was so happy. I had just accomplished hiking up an enormous mountain. I had so many good emotions running through. I could look in every direction and I was so high up. I could see famous mountain tops in the distance. It was a feeling and a view I wish everybody could experience. I wanted to stay up there forever and just smell the fresh air and have the best view in the world. Another great feeling I experienced was with all my fellow hikers. We had all hiked up this as a team. If one of us had fallen we all would have been there to pull him up. We all trusted each other and now we were all at the top of this enormous mountain together. All of us just looking around at the beautiful view. Each one of us had an enormous smile. It was like one big smile all in one. We know we couldn’t have done this without us encouraging each other. I had such a rush when I finally go to the top. When we all got there, we all had so much built-up emotion, we all let out a big scream. While hiking up I, formed a great bond with everyone in my hiking group. It was a great feeling to have.”
The participants took part in the exercise for three days and they wrote for 20 minutes every day. On the second and third days of writing these instructions included the sentence, “You may either write about the same experience as yesterday, or you may choose a new one.” Some wrote about extraordinary experiences such as child-birth. Some wrote about normal everyday life with friends. By writing about these events, the participants escaped from the dullness and stresses of everyday life.
Does writing about your peak experiences make you healthier and happier?
The researchers found that the attention span of the participants had broadened. There were a number of parameters at play. It helped the participants reminisce the past and savour their past experiences in the present. The writing helped them develop a sense of gratitude for their good fortune. Perhaps they explored the role that others played in their success. Negative experiences slowly fermented itself into a mature bitter-sweet concoction of learning and growth.
Writing about a successful past helped them build a platform to broaden their senses and to take in more information about their eco-system. Writing about the events helped them focus, interpret and integrate their thoughts. They opened themselves up to small engines of positivity. Each of them added together gave them an upward spiral.
Here is the kicker. Not only did they felt happier, they even reported being healthier and visited the clinic fewer times.
Diving in
So before you get on with the task of starting out in February, try writing about your most intense past experience.
To conclude, here is a passage written by Bertrand Piccard, who was the first to circumnavigate the globe non-stop in a balloon. Bertrand wrote this just before reaching the end of his flight.
Think back to when you felt that peak experience. Write about it. If you can, create another one. We are heading into the Valentine’s phase. Everything will turn romantic red.
Wish you a great February.
The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company, where he helps business leaders become more positive and productive. Birender can be reached on birender.ahluwalia@gmail.com.
