Confessions of a drag queen

The highs and lows of a drag queen: The guilt started to eat me away, I know I wasn't being myself, I couldn't hold it in anymore, So, let myself go, Ready to dance in rain and fire, For, I was ready to make the mark in this beautiful world.

Ever since I watched Sound of Music, My Fair Lady, and Hello, Dolly! musicals, I knew I was a performer; I just never knew how and what I would do to get there. That's when I started to dream about being the greatest entertainer in the world. I wanted to make a mark but I didn't know exactly how to go about it.

It took me 25 years to realise that I am queer. No, that doesn't mean I am weird. It means I'm attracted to men. I was suppressing these feelings thinking it was just a phase. I had people telling me that my purpose in life was to get a steady job, a car, a posh flat, get married, have kids, and die peacefully. I knew in my heart that wasn't my purpose. My purpose was to be an entertainer and to inspire people to be themselves.

All I had to do was come out of that damn closet. It wasn't easy. I kept framing an email to my parents for almost six months. I had to write because my parents weren't ready to talk face-to-face. The moment my mother said, "No, you can't do drag full time," that's when I had to tell them the truth. My parents' reaction ranged from anger to sadness. All I did was give them time and space.

After coming out to them, I couldn't get myself to speak to them or visit them because I wasn't comfortable with them. But we realised that we were hurting each other. That's when my parents chose to move to the same city as me.

As for my friends, I had many friends before I came out and did drag. But those who chose to be my friends after I came out matter the most to me. I've always believed that true friends stick to you and understand you. Perhaps there are friends who make a mark on your life, leave and their chapter in your life is closed.

I wanted to perform as a drag queen because I didn't believe in playing safe. I wanted to be a game-changer and a trend-setter. I had to be bold and fearless. The moment I started to perform in drag was the biggest risk I have taken so far. It's the most beautiful decision and I still love it.

Coming out as a drag queen in Indian society wasn't easy. Performing full time brought a lot of assumptions. The regular questions are: "Are you transgender?" "When are you planning a sex reaffirming surgery?" "Are you planning to become a hijra?" "Does turning gay make you do drag?"

My performance as a drag queen is completely separate from my sexuality. I get offers to sleep with people when I am in drag, but I find that unnecessary. Being a drag queen is an art for me. I would love to keep it like that.