Bud Wiser: Can best friends become lovers? explores Chandrima Pal

There is a very social celebrity couple in Mumbai, a pair of talented individuals, who have chosen to remain childless. Most people never tire of asking them why they have chosen to be the way they are (no one’s business, if you ask me). And they never tire of coming up with the same answer — We are very happy. Contended. We are best friends, yada yada yada... To which, a certain snarky socialite had once commented: “Yes, they are such great friends, they rarely feel the need to have sex!”

We often meet such people. Chuddy buddies. Campus friends. Dated, married, had kids. We read about their epic romances in cheap paperbacks and even worse English. We watch their lives unfold in soapy bubbles on American sitcoms. And we have likes of Karan Johar immortalise them on screen in Manish Malhotra outfits. It is all so googly-woogly woosh until, yawn... so what’s new? Where’s the spark? Where’s the mischief? Even in the millennial’s version of Archie in Netflix’s Riverdale, familiarity breeds indifference. And poor Miss Perfect Betty Cooper cries buckets as Archie Andrews, in freshly minted six pack and looking every bit a beast in heat, makes out with his music teacher in a car and with Veronica in a closet. Well, with almost everyone except his avowed ‘Best Friend’.

Despite all that has been written, filmed and discussed about best friends-turned lovers, it remains a bit of a puzzle. On the one hand, it is great to be with someone who ‘knows’ you and will never hurt you and all that jazz. On the other, if the chemistry is not quite right, you stand to lose both your 3 am buddy and your 11 pm hottie. It is tough to chose between comfort and crazy, right?

For those who like to engage in sophomoric arguments aver whether a man and a woman can ever be just friends, here’s a thought. Yes, they can. And maybe, it is better that they remain friends, comrades. Way too many perfectly healthy friendships have died on the couch/bed and between the sheets. Trying to graduate from being buddies to lovers may not be as successful as the reverse. Look at Deepika Padukone. That girl has turned the hottest of lovers into good friends and continues to share unbelievable chemistry with them. That way, you always have a Plan B.

Think about it, any time you break up with a gorgeous guy, you can cry your heart out on a sexy pair of shoulders at least.

So here’s my take on this best friends/fabulous lovers theory. If you think you have someone who can be both, s/he is for keeps. For men, the woman they like to wed and the one they want to bed, are not always the same. Women, for centuries, have managed to convince them they can, they are and they better be the same.

(Scribbler, scribe, traveller— Chandrima Pal takes you through the sexual landscape of today)