Bhuvaneshwar Kumar's father complained to ECB for giving champagne as award!

In a glorious moment in Indian parenting history, cricketer Bhuvaneshwar Kumar's father complained to the ECB this week for giving his son a bottle of champagne on winning the man of the series award in the recently concluded bilateral test series. The senior Kumar said, "My son is a teetotaller and doesn't know what he would do with this bottle. Bhuvi does not smoke, or even touches a glass of wine. I don't think this practice of gifting champagne bottles exist in other countries. It should be stopped". This statement is hilarious on two levels.

The first, because despite being an adult international cricketer of acclaim, Bhuvaneshwar Kumar still got c**kblocked by his own dad. I'm sure Bhuvi is a teetotaller but I bet even he wanted to get a drink after getting so brutally thrashed in the test series. Yet, Indian parents never fail to remind you of your traditional values everytime you're abroad. Indian parents end up dispensing advice like "Don't eat meat when you're there. Also stay away from those white girls, they're all promiscuous". Bhuvi didn't even drink from the bottle. All he did was hold it and things went into a "HOW CAN SHE SLAP?" mode. I wonder what his father's reaction will be when he finds out that his son has also probably started having sex. Forget Bhuvi, I bet if Lance Armstrong's father were Indian he'd be more embarrassed that his son was a cyclist than about him getting busted for drug use. The second is how we so casually denounce a value system that has existed in another country for years just because "we" don't like it. After the complaint, ECB media director Colin Gibson had to defend the champagne bottle saying, "it is also celebratory in other sports such as motor racing. In India there is sometimes something like a motor cycle from the sponsors which is not likely in England".

I'm sure of all the things he has ever done, Colin Gibson didn't imagine having to defend a champagne bottle. Only we have the nerve to go into another country and complain about how their cultural practices don't meet "our" standards. It's like travelling to China and complaining about how half the population doesn't speak English. Bhuvi ofcourse hasn't commented on this development but I imagine he won't be allowed to play county cricket anytime soon. With Ravi Shastri being appointed the director of Team India however, Kumar senior must also start worrying about other substances infiltrating team meetings. There's no way you can use the words tracer bullet so many times if you're not perpetually high.