Being less of a man

Like many schools, my school would let us wear casual clothes on our birthday. I was in Standard 8, and a day before my big day, I went shopping with my mother. I really liked this pink full sleeves shirt and bought it. The next day, I woke up early, excited to go to school. All these years later, I still remember the moment I entered my classroom — all the guys started laughing at me and passed lewd comments. You can imagine my confusion and humiliation, not knowing why I was being laughed at on my birthday.

That’s when I learnt that the colour pink is too ‘feminine’ for a man.

I soon learned that according to general male consensus, a guy is supposed to wear dark colours because it look masculine, and girls should wear lighter colours to look feminine. Barely into my teens, I was unable to understand how a person can judge another’s masculinity based on the colour of clothes they are wearing.

Another incident took place during my college days. I was on my way home when I saw two guys fighting near the canteen. One of them was my friend. People had gathered around them but they weren’t stopping them. They were just watching the brawl; some were even recording it on their smartphones.

I rushed forward and tried to pull them apart. Both my friend and the other guy were adamant on hitting each other. Somehow, I became less of a man for interrupting their fight because believing in non-violence also makes you less ‘manly’.

I have come to understand that patriarchy does give men some privileges, but it is not a system which necessarily benefits all men. While this is slowly beginning to change, I look forward to the time when such expectations of ‘Shoulds’ and ‘Should nots’ from both genders become obsolete.

(Bhanu Babbal is a 23-year-old filmmaker from Mumbai)

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