A tale of two... ...everythings!

I just read a rather harsh critique of Booker winner White Tiger. The critic pretty much took off on author Aravind Adiga for playing to the Occidental gallery in his relentless portrayal of the hopeless India of Darkness and the shining India of Light and the sharp divide between the two. But the fact of the matter is that society is full of ‘us’ and ‘them’. Why, the Bengalis have even formalised the terminology for this divide; there are the Bangalis — god’s own children and then there is the godforsaken rest, the obangalis!

And we women don’t need to look too far to feel this divide. There is an ‘us’ and ‘them’ for each of us whatever be our Achilles Heel. Have you noticed women in pop culture nowadays? They have never been sleeker and more buffed than now, thanks to yoga, zone diet, and motherhood... whatever! (Read scalpel, starvation, neurosis, genes). You can slice butter on their razor-sharp cheekbones and count the sinews on their thighs. Cleavages have the sheen of wax and the depth of Grand Canyon; one might slip and fall in and grievously injure themselves if not careful in their Peeping Tommery. And then there are the real women. Alternately fed on enduring images of airbrushed perfection in mags and glossies, and a culture of overdose in food, drink and lifestyle, these poor souls are huffing and puffing their way through morning jogs, strenuous spinning classes, gym calisthenics, all in a bid to acquire a cover shoot-worthy body. But no matter what, the odd stretch mark here, that one extra roll of fat there and the slight jiggle of the flesh all give them away as mere mortals. Now what? Enter lunchtime liposuction to cross over the great size plus/size zero divide! Oh but it’s called “feeling good about oneself” and “fitness” so don’t you dare diss it!

And even those of us who think we’ve escaped these superficial divides and their ensuing complexes; there is always a whammy around the corner. It’s also known as relationships. And in relationships there are only two kinds of women; those who have men wrapped around their little finger... and the rest. And all those who think that this Great Indian Wrap Trick has anything to do with exceptional beauty, talent, intelligence or competence are grossly mistaken. I know of women aplenty who maybe members of MENSA, strawberry dessert specialists or Greek goddess beautiful but all are single and singularly unlucky at relationships. Competence as an attribute is especially a major spoke in the wheel. Nothing appeals to a man — ANY MAN — more than a damsel in distress and these smart Wrapper Cookies who could rule the world if given a chance won’t even know how to fix a light bulb if the man is in the room. Add to that, tapping into every man’s secret fear of being alone and subtly cranking that lever any time she wants her way, and its Advantage Eve all the way. From building entire careers around a non-existent talent using hubby dearest’s professional clout to getting engaged to a guy with an exit clause attached; these women can pull off practically anything with a deft flutter of mascara-ed lashes as I have been witness to over time. When these girls say ‘no’ a guy comes back clamouring on all fours. The one time I got inspired by these femme fatales and tried a “no” on a trying boyfriend he just took me at face value and vamoosed! Unfortunately crossing this divide is slightly more complicated than a tummy tuck and the day we girls figure it out, relationship columnists will be extinct!

But till then my eyes will be peeled for that other us n’ them slugfest unfurling across seven seas. There are those who are rooting for a man who will make history and then there are the rest. I for one am on the Obama side of things; at least he has better taste in women!
 deblina@dnaindia.net